Mi Vida Loca

Back in the saddle again hee hee

2010-08-03T20:05:00.000-07:00

Well it has been a little while since I blogged...Everything has changed except the important things. I am still married to Billy and we still have 6 kids ha ha. We now live in Portland...Finally...So far I love it here. I really feel a part of the brethren, especially the sisters which is what I needed. I feel like my husband and I have hit a new curve that is only going to make us stronger, and we have really great kids on most days.
I have found new friends, and reconnected with friends making our relationshiops different and better in my opinion. I thought it would be pretty difficult to move and feel a part but from the first Sunday as we set down the brother across from us handed us two song books and on the front page it said Bro Billy and Sis Barbra Reed, it made me feel special for that moment. Then after that there was a bbq at my brother and sister in laws, and I was able to visit with the sisters. I knew most of them from a distance as a kid but it was so fun to see their different personalities and their friendship. It was nice to see that friendship, sometimes we forget we are not just the people who go to church together but that we are family. I think that's what impressed me the most is that feeling of family, like they were all extended family. I could almost see everyone together at holidays, it was great.
My husband hasn't been working a lot since we have been here, but god has deffinately provided. He was promised 60 hours a week, but when we got here there just wasn't enough work to keep him busy more than one day a week. We said a prayer and the next day a brother offered Billy a side job, it got us the amount we needed to pay our phone bill. Then Billy was having me check daily for gigs or day labor on craigs list, he found side work with a lady who has work for close to a month. I was so thankful. Anyway we are going to make it and we can see that light at the end of the tunnel.
My kids as well as my husband are so happy and it's so great to see. The fun loving side of Billy is back and I am thankful. We are praying with the kids almost every night again which is such an encouragement to me. My kids have friends their ages and that is wonderful for them. I also am starting to read a book I was recently entroduced to called "created to be his help meet" by Debi Pearl. I was excited just hearing about it then I read the first couple pages and was even more excited. Anyway we will see if I really like it but so far I am very excited.
I am happy here also which is great for me. I think being happy helps me to feel better mentally as well as physically. I feel rejuvinated, and I hope I can stay that way. Now to find a home of our own....that we can afford...

The Greatest

2010-04-28T08:47:00.000-07:00

Little boy in a baseball hat stands in the field with his ball and bat
Says, "I am the greatest player of them all"
Puts his bat on his shoulder and he tosses up his ball.
And the ball goes up and the ball comes down,
Swings his bat all the way around
The world so still you can hear the sound, the baseball falls to the ground.
Now the little boy doesn't say a word, picks up his ball he is undeterred.
Says, "I am the greatest that there has ever been"
And he grits his teeth and he tries again.
And the ball goes up and the ball comes down,
Swings his bat all the way around
The world so still you can hear the sound, the baseball falls to the ground.
He makes no excuses he shows no fear
He just closes his eyes and listens to the cheers.
Little boy he adjusts his hat, picks up his ball, stares at his bat
Says "I am the greatest when the game is on the line"
And he gives his all one last time.
And the ball goes up and the moon so bright
Swings his bat with all his might
The world's as still as still can be, the baseball falls
And that's strike three.
Now it's suppertime and his momma calls,
little boy starts home with his bat and ball.
Says, "I am the greatest, that is a fact,
But even I didn't know I could pitch like that!"
Says, "I am the greatest, that is understood,
But even I didn't know I could pitch that good!"

Today I woke up thinking of John. I thought I might share my memories. John was blonde haired and blue eyed. He was about 2 ft 10 inches, he had a very sturdy build, we always said he would make a great football player. John loved balls, every kind, but his favorite was baseballs and softballs. He hit mom in the face well a couple times, she just didn't react fast enough when he said "ball."
Billy worked out of town ALOT during Johns short life, but everytime he came home John met him at the door and Billy had to carry him everywhere for the time he was home.
John was the only boy at home, for a while anyway, my girls loved Shania Twain, for some reason he loved that song man I feel like a woman. He would sing it so loud and we would all laugh, Billy would get so annoyed. i think it just had a catchy tune ha ha. He loved the song Beautiful Star of Bethlehem. He would say faster mamma and I would sing it faster and faster till I jumbled the words. Then he would giggle so hard.
He had a race car I got for him when he was very small, it set on a shelf most of his life but the last couple months I let him play with it. It was a scale race car, whatever that means ha ha. Anyway after he passed away all of his little cars had raisins in them and this race car, had a broken window and then was stuffed with raisins. Raisins were his favorite I found them in his pockets and of course in all his toys. i found his racecar in a box in the shed the other day. That's probably why I have been thinking about him so much the last couple days. Anyway I still couldn't handle letting Daniel and Ezekiel play with it. I tried but when I started crying Billy took it away from them. I shouldn't be so attached to that silly car. It wasn't even his favorite, to be honest he didn't like to play with it cause it was pretty heavy. But it was the very first car I got him. I also found his baby blanket. I keep one for each of my children. Johns had Winnie the Pooh on it. "The Greatest" I cry everytime I hear it. We played it at Johns funeral, because he was so into baseball. We wanted him to like football but baseball was his game. Anyway a few months before he passed away we heard that song on the radio and Billy and I laughed and said this was gonna be John in a few years. It wasn't meant to be though. Anyway I know I am rambling, just missing my boys today.. You know what is kinda weird though. If John had lived he would be turning 12 in a little over a month, but I still picture him as a two year old. I miss him so much...I would really appreciate your prayers...I just feel sad this morning, it's not like me at all...

There are days I'd like to be.....

2010-04-20T13:55:00.000-07:00

Anywahere but here. I have loved Colorado, my husband and I have lived here for almost 12 years. We really feel that god has shown us it's time to move, however the things we feel need to be there aren't yet. First of all a job for my husband is very important. I can't even look at houses till we know how muh he will make there and what we can afford. I am so very nervous right now. We have had one yard sale that did better in two days than any other yard sale we have ever had. Probably all of them put together. I also was praying the Lord would provide a way, then the next day I was packing a few things I didn't need, and found some things that I dug out of the garbage at a fire job my hubby worked on. It has now come to light that my pretties may be worth a small amount that will deffinately help us get to where we need to be financially to move out of state. Anyway, it looks like the Lord is working it out but in his time and I am very impatient. This is a lesson I know but it's hard to learn when I am worried about my families spiritual wellfare. We are in a bad place right now, and we really need to get to a better place. We need to be needed, then everything will be okay I am sure. Just say a prayer for us, that we will know and be able to do the Lords will. We know God is good he will owrk it out we are just kinda nervous...

Pray for us again...

2010-04-03T15:28:00.000-07:00

My husband and I really feel like we are supposed to move to Oregon. We are still praying and unless god changes our minds we will be moving in the next 8 weeks. We have lived here in Grand Junction For about 12 years so it will be a big change, but a much needed one. The little church we have assembled in 11 of those 12 years has closed it's doors and I really want my children to grow up in a smaller assembly. The other church here in town seems so large, and we have a hard time feeling needed. I know everyone says every single person is needed but it's so easy to say there are so many here I am gonna relax this week. I don't want to be in a place where I can allow myself to become lazy. I want to be up and about the Lords business. It's much easy to feel the need in a small assembly.
My husband was telling me the other day he really missed going out and fixing the cooler or mowing the lawn at our little church. I also miss going out to just wash a couple dishes or rearrange the cubbards. I just miss it and though we can't really replace what we had there we can find a similar spot to cut out a nitch...Lord willing we can. Just pray that we make the right decision and make it in the lords time.

NO MORE BRIDGES!!!

2010-03-31T13:54:00.000-07:00

So we went to pick up our girls and we had a wonderful time. We went to seaside then We went through Cannon Beach and to my horror we then visited Astoria. I say to my horror because I am absolutely petrified of the big bridges in Portland. Well if you have been to or over the bridge in Astoria you understand my horror.This is a couple pics my dear hubby took of the bridge in Astoria the Astoria-Megler Bridge.....

And this is one I found on the internet of the same bridge....

When we got there to Portland I mentioned how I had forgotten that fear but it hadn't faded in the least. So a couple hours later Sean decided to take us sight seeing. We went across the highest bridge in Portland and turned around at the bottom and came back, the cries of it's so high as well as look at the water, and the swerving did much to make me feel like vomiting. It helped to know we would have to stop on the bridge if I did vomit. So then he decides to show Billy the submarine...from the TOP OF THE BRIDGE. Oh what a loving brother...not only that he's driving across the bridge hugging the side of it so Billy can see down...I can still hear the tires squealing along the cement structure keeping everyone on the bridge (note...I may be exaggerating a bit here). I was to say the least a little disturbed but I have found yelling or screaming even vomiting would have encouraged both my brother and my husband who can't imagine anyone is really afraid of heights because the view is just so gorgeous. Well that wasn't the end I believe I conquered three bridges in Portland, the Freemont, the Morrison, and I think it was the Sellwood, not real sure of the name, but the one in Astoria almost conquered me. It was the worst.
Billy and Sean were in the front..Sean was talking and I was ignoring paying more attention to my sisters and what they were saying. Then Billy shows me the GPS and it shows the road just running off into the water then more land on the other side. So dumb ole' me asks how do we get over...my husband replies there's just a little bridge across. It ends up being the largest bridge I have ever seen in my life. I begged Billy to let me shop while they crossed it but he didn't want to have any part of our vacation ruined by my absence...It was more horrible than I imagined...starting with the kids talking about it crumbling under us and going as far as Billy shouting out at one point man that's the biggest bridge I've ever seen. To also Sean saying I bet someone would have plenty of time to think twice if they commited suicide off that bridge and ending with Sean pretending to run out of gas on the very pinnacle of the bridge. And then someone said, I'm sure Barbara will go for gas..you bet your bippy I would but I wouldn't be bringing it back I would be paying some driver to take it too them just hoping he was honest enough to stop and help them... not really sure if I would care if he kept going depending on how mad I still was...
As for the bridges I think I can overcome this fear if I take some time and work at it...As a child I was scared to death of the tunnels and now I can go through the Eisenhower tunnel which I think is about 2 miles long without any trouble. It's just gonna take some work. I know I can do it...or at least work hard enough till my fear doesn't show. Facing my fear is what I need to do......I hope....So here's to annoying brothers and just as annoying husbands ha ha. Anyway I guess I am done whining for the day ha ha.
We really did have a great time though. I absolutely loved seaside and as it was my husbands first view of the Ocean he also was enamored... He was like a child running up to and away from the waves it was very enjoyable to watch..I also enjoyed walking the beach with my sister, and the kids. Although I got to the end almost and realized I had saddled Marisela with my 3 younger kids without any help. It made me feel kinda bad. We then went to another beach at Seaside but it was so windy it was terrible. But then we got ice cream and I had the best hot cocoa I have ever tasted..Ya we'll be going back there hopefully soon. ha ha..
Seriously though we aare hoping to be able to move out to Portland in approximately a month and a half. We really need prayers that we are doing what we are supposed to do, we really want to go somewhere, but we want to do only the Lords will. We are waiting for one more confirmation and then we are ready to go. So like I said please say a prayer for us that we will know where to go...

Here are some pics of our wonderful trip and some of the things we saw...
The Ocean at Seaside Oregon

Billy walking along admiring the view at seaside

An area along Cannon Beach

Multnomah Falls

My handsom boy Ezekiel

All the kids we could get out of the van ha ha

I have one more thing to mention...
I have started a new blog names Ask Barb. Just for the fun of it really. Anyway if your interested in that it's at http://askbarb.blogspot.com I would be ever so grateful if youd come check it out and Leave a comment...

My Grandbaby is adorable

2010-03-15T11:46:00.000-07:00

As the title inferred I am obsessed with the grandbaby. She is so smart and adorable. Megan is almost 6 months...well tomorrow she will be. We absolutely adore her. I got her a ball that is made out of the same kinda material as the gellee shoes from the 80's. It is basicallt a bunch if holes in the shape of a ball ha ha. Anyway she would try to chew on it and when it wouldn't go in her mouth she would bang it against me like that would fix it and then she would try again. She gets that from me. If it's broken and you hit it against soemthing it might just fix it ha ha. Anyway, then shewas laying on the bed with me last night and she was giggling up a storm so I decided to take a video for the girls. She would stop even smiling for me as soon as I turned the phone on. She is just to smart for her own britches ha ha. She has also figured out how to roll over even when I have her sitting up in the middle of all my pillows. Like I said smartesr baby ever...Anyway didn't really have a lot to say just wanted to brag on Megan...

Sad again

2010-03-08T10:42:00.000-08:00

Okay so I just erased everything I had said before because it was a rant about how much I already miss my girls with them being gone for only 5 minutes. But I decided to be more upbeat. I really will miss them make no mistake about that but I know they will get good out of it. Also it will be a learning experience for them. Everyone in Oregon please take good care and be reaaly nice to my babies..
So can't talk about that anymore I will cry some more ha ha sniffle sniffle.

I am at a place where I need to re-evaluate my life. I mean where my life is, my religion is sound, my marriage is sound (don't ask me when I'm mad ha ha), I have a great family, and then I think of my personal warfare. I am failing somewhere and I need to fix it. So even though my load has doubled, I have to do Bobby and Charity's chores ha ha. I have resolved to read my bible way more.

I have been talking to a sister here who has had some struggles with understanding Jacob. Mostly because he had to be dishonest to get his brothers birthright. However, god could have made him born forst and it would have just been his birthright. So why did he have to lie, (when god hates liars) and cheat to get what was orfaned to be his. I can't say as I understand either so I decided to read it through again, just to see where I was and how I felt. I have read the story many times, it is my favorite story in the bible. But I want to read it from this new perspective.

12:03
So I read Genesis 25:23
And the Lord said into her, Two nations are in thy womb,
and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels:
and the one people shall be stronger than the other people;
and the elder shall serve the younger.

I guess I am to simple because that says it all to me god said it would be and it was. I do kinda think why did he need his fathers blessing when he already had the birthright. Jacob in my estimation got it back in the face after he served seven years for Rachel and got Leah then had to serve seven more for the wife he really wanted. And Esau could have stayed angry but he forgave him in the end.
I have always loved this particular scripture, and reading it again really gave me strength. It's what I needed, I plan on reading everyday and working on getting myself where I need to be. But right now I have a house to clean and laundry to do. My girls left all their chores for me today ha ha. That's okay I guess I need something to keep my mind busy anyway. So spring cleaning here I come. I also have to get lots of boxes cause I am packing everything that I can so we can get out of here ha ha. We just have to figure out where we are going.

A new day, A new attitude

2010-03-08T07:23:00.000-08:00

I realized very early in the morning I have no right to the feelings I am feeling at this moment. Oh not about the boys or leaving here. But I was annoyed at some people for a decision they made. However looking at the situation through my rose colored glasses I thought I was entitled to be annoyed. Well, I'm not. My annoyance or anger won't change a thing it happened it was a decision that was made, and I just need to worry about helping to get things back to normal. I have had some hard feelings because I didn't think it was necassary, but it wasn't my choice to make it was done and there's nothing I can do about it.
I also have a great fear I feel like talking about today. This is something I need to overcome, so please pray for me in this. I have a great fear of losing another child. I break out in a cold sweat almost when my kids tell me they don't feel well. If they vomit it's even worse. And when they get fever I almost go out of my mind with fear. I have prayed that god would help me but I feel like it's my cross to bear. I feel llike god has helped me, don't get me wrong but I feel like I need to overcome. We went to Alaska two years ago almost and it was the hardest trip, in that I missed my kids so much. I had never spent more than two nights away from any one of them up to that point in their lives. Even when Billy and I would leave for an evening or two for our anniversary I would make him go get the kids so they could see our room and swim in the pool. I know I won't have them forever though and I want to enjoy every minute that I do have them. The day is coming in just a few short years that I will have to give my daughters away to their husbands and they won't be mine anymore. It breaks my heart to think of that but I also know it's the best for them. So I will be able to on that day. By sheer force of will ha ha. I have a hard time just letting my kids go. My brother Sean and his wife Marisela are here, and my husband really feels like it would be good for them to go to Oregon for a couple weeks, but it scares me to death. Not that Sean and Marisela wouldn't take good care of them, but they aren't me ha ha. I know that's silly, but I think of all the bad things that can happen, what if Bobby broke her arm, I wouldn't be able to get to her, or if Charity got the flu, I wouldn't be able to sit there and take care of her while I worry. Also Charity has had a lot of back pain lately what if she throws it out, I won't be there to help her at all. I worry like no other, however I also see the great strength my girls can get from this trip. I also see that we would be one step closer to knowing where we are supposed to be. I see how this could help them spiritually as well as emotionally. I have kept them in a little box their whole lives and I know I need to move the walls away and let them start to find their own way, but it's hard for me. They are my babies. But I do think if CSAP testing can be put off my babies are going to Oregon for two weeks. I hope I am doing the right thing cause I am scared. Now you know how much I think of myself that only I could comfort them if they got sick or hurt ha ha..
I also am very tired of being told I shouldn't claim my son. BJ does not share my blood, however he has as big of a place in my heart as my other children. I can't change that, I have known him and been a part of his life as long as my husband has. We found out about him together, and in fact I have spent more time with him than Billy has. Because I spent a lot of days with him while Billy worked. Also if anything is of my husband no matter what it is I have an obligation as a sister, as well as a human being to give it my best to love whatever it or they are. I also have a great ability to love, especially children, that's just who I am and I can't just change it or do it differently. Also, how people think my emotions work, won't change how they really do work. And anyone who feels like they don't think he should be claimed as part of their family are missing out on a great blessing. BJ has been a blessing in my life, without him we wouldn't have Megan for one, and we adore that baby. Another reason is we wouldn't have Shayla in our lives and we also adore her. One more he's made me laugh when I felt like curling in a ball and crying till there was nothing left. When I thought life couldn't possibly ever get worse he made us laugh and realize life goes on and sometimes bad things happen to good people, but what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I also feel this way because I was adopted, brought in from darkness into a great family. Not by my choice or your choice but because the lord saw something in me that he wanted. How can I deny my family, my son, when I wasn't denied.

Sooooo Sad

2010-03-07T13:13:00.000-08:00

Today I am so very sad. The church that we have called our home church for right at 12 years has finally been closed. At first I thought it wouldn't bother me, but I am gonna miss that little building and the few families that were there this last year or so. I have so many wonderful memories there. And sadly part of the reason we fought so hard for it was because of our memories of little John John. Every memory we have of him in church is in that little building.
We have also made the decision to leave here. It looks like we are going to the Tulsa area at this moment...unless god changes our hearts. We have had two places on our minds but we really need to visit to see how we feel. Anyway that's also hard for me and don't laugh but it's because I feel like I am leaving my boys. I know they are with the Lord but it just feels like I am abandoning them. I don't haardly ever visit their graves, because I was kinda taught not to. But it still feels like I'm as close as I can be. I know that very silly but I can't help my feelings. I don't know if I will even post this because it feels like I'm losing it even to my own ears.
Maybe that's why I should post this. I need help right now. I need prayers, I want to be a willing worker of the Lord, I don't want to be weary in well doing. I want to serve the Lord with a smile on my face. I find however that I can't do it without the brethren. I want my newly baptized daughters to be in a place that they can recieve instruction and learn the faith the right way. That they can learn all the things they should do for the brethren. That they can learn to be servants to god and his people. Not that they can't in this place, but I don't feeel like I am close enough to teach tthem at this moment in time. I feel like I have taught them well up to this point but the teachings not over. I just need prayers.

Oh sometimes it causes me to tremble....

2010-02-26T12:59:00.000-08:00

Today I was thinking of the great power of the lord. I love the lord and Hope I show that in my daily walk, and as I went about my day I glanced at the mountains and saw such great beauty. Not just great beauty but majestic beauty. I also thought about that song "Consider the Lilies". I worry for so many things then I think about that and god is telling us don't worry he's got our backs. I am the worst especially when the kids get sick or I am going through a hard time personally. I think my two oldest daughters have went through more in their short life spans than I have in my 30 odd years. They hardly ever complain and if they do it's over the little stuff. They have taken everything and let it roll off their shoulders. I'm not saying it's not hard for them, but they go through it and then they find a bright spot to look at. Anyway I just thought how I should let more things roll of my back like they do.
God has been so good to me and mine, we could have have had a way harder time at different times and through different trials. However, god has always been there, and walked us through. In fact it actually seems like he carries me more than he walks beside me.
I have always thought of how we lost our boys but today I have a new outlook, they are not lost just gone before me. It really helps to have a better outlook. My sister in law had a miscarriage just the other day and I went to see her last night. She seemed to have an awesome outlook and I am very thankful. She really wanted this baby, and it's very hard that they can't keep it however, they are gonna keep going. It's good to see their strength.
So many have been sick lately with the flu, I have seen such mercy as it has skipped my kids but I worry so much for the ones it hasn't skipped. I know how scared I get when my kids are sick, and I always worry for everyone else too. Tomorrow we are gonna try to make it to Delta for church. It has been quite a while since we have been there and I am excited to try again.

4-H

2010-02-18T11:32:00.001-08:00

So we have made the decision. The three older kids are joining 4-H. I am quite excited, first of all I will be so very busy, and because I will be busy with my kids this time. Usually when I get busy I am doing something that doesn't involve my kids. Elizabeth really wants to learn about baking and decorating cakes. She isn't one of them I have signed up for 4-H however I think I can teach her while I work with Charity. Bobby is doing decorationg clothing, clothing construction, and photography. Charity is doing cake decorating, horseless horse as well as quilting. And Daniel is doing model rocketry, electricity, as well as wood working. Anyway they are all three very excited and I hope things go as well as I plan on them going.
I am nervous about the fair factor...I have only been to a state fair twice and never really looked at the exibits much so I really don't knnow how to put the display together. I hope I figure it out by then ha ha. And I'm sure I will.
Last night my foot once again started hurting it was hhurting really bad, my husband pulled my sock off and it was black all down the side and over one toe. Anyway we called for prayers and prayed ourselves and of course annointed it. It slowly started getting color back. It felt like someone was pokking it with lots of pins, then this morning the black is mostly gone, but it itches really bad and still hurts so I can't scratch it. It is horrible. However we have seen that god has had great mercy on it. Both of my feet hurt, but the left one is way worse, I kinda feel like it is from the nerve damage from when I burned them, but I'm not sure. I believe god knows and I am trying to just leave it in his hands.

Overwelmed

2010-02-16T14:43:00.000-08:00

I feel overwelmed today. Mostly because I can't talk about what's bothering me ha ha. It just isn't my right to be upset, even though I'm going through a hard thing. It's hard to explain and so I will change the subject.
We are praying about moving again. We have two places in mind and not sure which way to go. We have always wanted to go to Portland, but it has never seemed to work out. We are still praying about that but we feel like the lord has put a different place in our hearts. We both thought of Tulsa Oklahoma. I am nervous because I can't breathe in high heat with lots of humidity. My asthma just goes crazy. I actually have a better time here than in any other place I've ever been. Except Washington. In Elma when I visited I had no problems at all and I loved it there, but my husband is nervous about Washington ha ha. He really hasn't been anywhere other than Brewster so it's kinda like a fear of the unknown. He would really like to live closer to the ocean though. He's never seen the Ocean except in Alaska and would love to be closer to it. So I mentioned Texas but once again the high heat and humidity would be bad for me. I'm also nervous about the snakes, bugs, and tornado's in Oklahoma and Texas. I have mentioned moving to the kids, they would love to go to Oregon but also think Okalahoma would be okay. Like I said though we are really praying about it.
On a brighter note, Megan is doing something new almost every day. It is so exciting, I love hearing her coo and try to talk. It is very exciting. She started baby food just a few days ago and it is so cute to watch her. She loves it but also loves to spit it ha ha. I guess most babies do but it's way cuter when you are watching the mom deal with it than when you are the mom dealing with it ha ha. For Valentines day we got her a toy cell phone. I can't say she loved it though. I think we spoil her to much ha ha.
So Sean and Marisela went through and left the flu...ha ha actually litttle bit prolly got it somewhere else cause she just got it yesterday and they've been gone over a week. But little bit got it first again and she doesn't like to be sick especially if she vomits. So we have had a FUN day hee hee.
My older three kids are probably going to join 4-h this year. We are gonna have a lot of fun and I am super excited. We have never done anything like this before. We are just trying to figure out what happens if we move do we transfer or do we have to come back. It'll still be fun though.

Let's go back down to the river....errr baptismal

2010-02-07T07:41:00.000-08:00

We are so blessed. Our bobby was baptized in the river in Palisade.

Since Bobby was about ten or twelve she has told me she wanted to be baptised in the river. Her Uncle Sean obliged her, and they both froze. It was very beautiful though.

She had to be double dipped because she picked her foot up.

However finally she was able to get out of the water.

Anyway we got her home and warm, Marisela and I made bread for the supper we had dinner and went all the way back to Palisade for the Ordinance supper. I had some things to work out, and prayed the whole way there. Then when we got there they moved the benches and Shelbi gave her hand to her daddy.

What rejoicing..I expected her to give her hand earlier. But she didn't so I thought I was wrong.

Anyway as we were going to the Orchard Mesa church to use the baptismal I got a phone call

It was my daughter Charity, she was crying saying she thought it was time.
.
We have expected our girls to get baptised together, however we weren't sure Charity was feeling anything. She hadn't talked to us like Bobby did.

Charity also had to be double dipped cause her daddy got very nervous and forgot her name, then her foot also came out of the water.

And these are our three girls together when it was all done.

Let's All Go Down to the River

2010-02-06T11:51:00.000-08:00

I am abundantly blessed. Today my cup is pouring over, I am so very encouraged. As I set here I can hear my 4 youngest children singing church songs and how beautiful it is. They know there is an energy in the air that has been created by the Good Lord. My oldest Daughter Bobby gave her hand to her Uncle Sean last night. I have to say I am so very happy for her.
I am not sure which was happier Bobby or Sean. I really don't think he was expecting it. He knew he had a work to do but I'm not sure he knew it included getting in the freezing river with Bobby today. Since Bobby was about 12 she has told us she wanted to be baptized in the river. So when she told Sean that last night I wasn't surprised however, when we woke up to snow, I thought she might change her mind but she is standing firm on doing it in the river. It kinda brings me comfort that it is in the same river my parents were baptized in. Not that I need comfort right now cause I am doing really awesome. I hope to post pictures soon. But as it won't happen for a couple more hours I don't have them yet ha ha. ANyway just wanted to take a minute to start spreading the news...

Message from the other side..

2010-01-31T08:18:00.000-08:00

So I don't believe in ghosts just so you know ha ha.
On Christmas day this year one of my closest friends Velvadene Bohall Called and asked me to stop by for a minute. I went through my day wondering what in the world could be wrong. Finally our christmas with the family was over and Billy and I drove to Vel"s. SHe handed me this card. Anyway, she explained that she found this card while cleaning the house and she just thought about me the whole time she read it. It was to her and signed by her mom, but she couldn't really remember a time her mom had given it to her. Anyway as she continued to clean she found another one that wasn't signed and felt like she should give it to me. I really felt comforted as I read it. That last year with Sister Betha I would run up there all the time sometimes to whine and a lot of times to just listen to her talk. Anyway I got a lot of comfort from her in that year, I hope I reciprocated at least a little. Anyway this is what the card said,
LIFE'S PATHWAY
At times, life's path
seems filled with things
that make the going rough,
And we wishthere were
a smoother road,
for we feel we've had enough
But, if we pause a moment
and remember Who's in charge,
The hills that loom ahead of us,
no longer seem so large,
And every rock before us,
when we know we're not alone,
Becomes, not just a stumbling block,
but one more stepping stone.

EMILY MATTHEWS

Then you open the inside up and it says,

You've overcome so many things,
and, everytime you've grown
Through Sheer determination
and the wisdom that you've shown.
So, as you face this journey.
from the moment you begin,
Know that God will guide you,
and you'll have the strength to win.

Anyway it really seemed like something Sister Betha would write or even say. It was a great comfort and I just saw the card sitting by my bed on the table and decided to blog about how touching it is every time I read it. I plan to have a great day cause Sean and Marisela are baaack ha ha. I'm hoping to spend some time with them today. I have really missed their girls and little boy to, he says some of the funniest things. Being a grandma, sometimes I forget how fun it is to be an aunt ha ha that sounds silly but it is how I feel ha ha.

A Song and a Prayer

2010-01-28T15:13:00.000-08:00

I hope all of you who read this know how well my husband and I are really doing. God has been so very good to us. He has comforted our hearts and put a song in mine again. When we lost John I really quit singing as much. I would sing with others and at church but I had quit singing while doing the dishes and vacuuming the floor. I used to sing to John all the time and when he was no longer there it was hard to have enough joy to sing.
I had a dream, before I knew we were gonna have another baby. In my dream I kept seeing this little boy and I would play with him throughout the dream and then I would lay him down for a nap in his crib. There was no sound with this dream, I dreamed it almost every night for a week and a half. Then after about 10 days, I took a test a found out we were gonna have a baby. At first I was kinda sad, I really didn't want another baby. Not to put it harshly but I have my hands full with my six. I also have a step son and a daughter in law as well as a grand-daughter (who wasn't born yet but I knew she was coming) that require a lot of my attention. I didn't tell anyone but my husband. We both thought about it and decided god knows what he's doing and we will be able to stretch in just the right places and it will be great to have a new baby. So we started to tell just the family. It had been about two weeks from when we found out. It was a Monday night, I dreamed the dream again. This time there was noise I could hear the baby giggle and coo. Then when I laid him down to sleep I said have a good nap Mikey. I woke up the next morning and Billy was already gone to work. I went about my day and essentially forgot about the dream. We went to church and when we got home that night I was getting ready for bed and my husband came into our room and said I have been shown what name we are gonna name the baby. He said we will name him Michael Ray. I was floored cause I hadn't told him about the dream. Mikey is a nickname of Michael. Anyway we went with it from that moment both of us felt we had been shown the baby would be a boy. I was sure everything would be great...
Fast forward 7 months later. The baby is born and isn't granted the breathe of life. It floored me, I didn't understand. I hid the extreme pain I was in from almost everyone. I'm sure everyone knew but I felt like my kids needed to see that life does go on and that death is a part of life that we HAVE to deal with. So then after about a month I really broke down I didn't think I could deal with what we went through and why us AGAIN. It just wasn't fair. Then I realized what a whiny baby I am being. God showed me just the other day that I misunderstood the dream. That I had put my own thoughts and think so's there. My heart and my faith were in the right place, it just wasn't god's will. He needed our little Michael more than we did. He needed Billy Ray more than we did. He needed John more than I did, and in the end who am I. Everything and everyone in my life are borrowed from the Lord. I need to cherish the times I had. I had John for almost two precious years. I had Billy Ray for 2 and a half precious days. And I got to carry Michael for 8 precious months in which I was healthier than I have probably been at any other time in my life. They were three very precious gifts that I wouldn't trade for the entire world. I am thankful for the six children I have and that God granted them the breathe of life and gave me the health to care for them daily. I don't know what tomorrow will bring but today I am thankful I got those boys for the short time I did, I can't be sad at this point today, because they have what I want. I'm not jealous because that would be saying I would be willing to take it from them for myself and I wouldn't. They have a home up in heaven and I strive to get there daily. I wanna be there with them but I can't yet and I hope I can keep this outlook on my life. So I hope nobody thinks me crass or weird?? for not allowing myself to grieve but I loved those boys and if they had lived they would not have wanted me sad all the time so I have to think of the kids I have now, and stay upbeat.
Anyway this is me just rambling about the things that are on my mind..I do that a lot ha ha

One Day I will

2010-01-27T17:10:00.002-08:00

I am so undecided about how I feel I wanna say...I am happy. But that kinda seems wrong of me because our baby just died. However that's how I feel. I feel like God has been so good to us, what right do I have to be sad all the time. I don't want to be sad or unhappy, though I have my days today I am happy. God has had great mercy on me and my children.
The week before last I started getting dizzy every time I stood up. I can deal with that so I just kept going after a day of that if I wasn't careful I would faint, then a day after that I started having extreme stomach pains. I was starting to get scared and my husband was pretty worried, my eyes were getting dark. So we prayed and I felt I was shown to stop drinking the Pepsi throwback that I had started drinking. It all stopped. Aparently I can't have something in it which is weird cause it's only regular sugar. I am however gonna stick with what I've been shown and stay away from it.
Elizabeth has had a slight cough for a couple weeks, on Tuesday she was sitting on the couch and all the sudden started complaining of chest pains. It scared me really bad. I went in my room and was just finished praying, I had sat on my bed and Faith my baby came in and said, "mommy we need to call the elders". I knew why she wanted to but I wanted to hear her reasoning so I asked her why. She basically told me that if she had hurt her wrist she would want me to call the elders and since Elizabeths chest hurt that she really needed them so god could have mercy. I called my husband and told him and he immediately called them to pray at home or work because it was the middle of the day. So anyway Elizabeth felt so much better today, I am so very thankful.
Bobby has an admirer. She is not allowed to date until she is 16 however we have allowed her to talk to the boy by text and phone. I have been so enthused by her grownup attitude. She really likes this boy but she understands our position and has chosen to follow the rules, and not beg or fight us. I am so thankful for her right now she's been such a comfort this last month I don't know what I would do without her.
Megan is the cutest baby ever... have probably said that more times than I can count. She has started touching my face with her little fist when I talk to her it is so adorable. I had a hard time holding her for a little bit just a couple weeks but now that I'm over that(thank the lord)she doesn't want me to put her to sleep. It's kinda funny cause we have to be playing or I have to be talking and she won't lay back in my arms. She's such a smart baby. We do adore her.

Anyway just giving a small update..

On the Jericho Road

2010-01-19T10:35:00.000-08:00

I had a very interesting Saturday. God showed me in a very unusual way what great mercy he has had on me. My husband and I have a little side job that we do every other week. This last week was our "delivery week". Well we got up Saturday and had breakfast, then we headed out to get our "job" done. Before we realized it we were done and it was 6 p.m. I hadn't eaten since breakfast, so I came home and ate a little bit. My baby Faith was playing in her room, and I walked through her room to the bathroom. I remember feeling a little dizzy, but thought it would pass. The next thing I remember was lying on the floor with Faith yelling "she's Dead" "she's dead" and she was jumping on me. I couldn't open my eye's though. It was like a dream that I couldn't wake up from. After a few minutes I could hear Billy talking to me but couldn't understand what he was saying really. Except he kept saying my name. Anyway finally I got my eyelids to cooperate and got up off the floor. I didn't feel bad at all, I was just dizzy. Anyway, I waited a little bit to make sure I was okay then I called Faith into my room and asked what happened. She said, "why was you pretending to be dead you scared me." This made me feel horrible she's just a baby she shouldn't have these fears. So I talked to her and explained that sometimes that happens and mommy kinda falls asleep while she's walking. She looked at me with those beautiful eyes and said "you never did that before." What a blessing that she has never experienced me fainting before. She is 5 and didn't know this could happen. It was common for Bobby and Charity to find me in the middle of the floor and me to wake up to them eating microwaved Ramen noodles. Or playing candy land. I hadn't realized it had been so long. At least two years, since the last episode. Once again a huge blessing. Faith and I had a long talk about how you shouldn't JUMP yes jump on dead people, and how you should go get daddy if ever you were to think someone was dead. Then I had to talk to her long and hard about not telling the preschool teacher that mommy died. My life is never boring ha ha.
We made it through the first semester of school with passing grades...barely. We were working to the deadline and got all the extra work in, but just barely. Bobby had a few d's and so did Charity. Our goal for the next semester is no D's. C's or better are the only acceptible grades. So that means more work all around. I have to write down their work and check it once a week. Just to make sure it gets done. We are in a program where I am NOT the teacher but I am an assistant to make sure the work is getting completed. The end of November and throuh December I did a horrible job. I didn't keep up at all so this time I am on top of things. So far so good that's only two weeks in though so I hope we can stick to our goals.
Rachelle seems so much better this week. God is really having mercy on her. She returned to school today, I was nervous but hopefully all is well. She has just been so tired, so please just continue to pray for her..

Encouraged

2010-01-14T14:39:00.000-08:00

I am so encouraged right now. I have had a lot of issues that nobody really knew about things that were so hard to deal with. Some things between my husband and I, things that happened when my baby was born that were very hard to get over with. I felt I wasn't entitled to my feelings that I was wrong and hurting for the wrong reasons. Human feelings that were destroying me. I talked to my husband and we talked to an elder who basically said we were second guessing ourselves. That seems silly and obvious but to hear it outright just put my ducks back in their rows and helped me through. I have reset my feelings and I am doing so much better. I have resolved to visit more, help more and be the best sister I can be.
Tonight my family is going to Brother Joshua and Sister Kayleens house and we are taking dinner. We hope to help encourage them. Lord willing we will be in heaven for eternity with them and we want them to know how loved they are. We plan to start with one family a week and visit them all. This is just a start I hope. I want to be encouraged and nnot sad or down. Everyone needs to help me and tell me not to look at the bad side..Look at the bright side of everything.
I joined Secret sisters this year again and I am so enthused. This one sister chosen by fate or whatever you wanna call it...I drew her name from a hat kinda...will recieve my thoughts almost everyday this year. I bought several cards to give herwith gifts and if I feel to I will mail her a card. I think this is an extension to my living the faith. Showing this special sister that she is loved all year this year if I can. And I can ha ha..
I keep hearing these stories about my dad and I love hearing them. It really encourages me to hear how much he loved the brethren. How much he loved the lord and especially how much he loved his family. I miss him soo much and he has been gone for 16 years. It's not like that hole gets smaller..It will always be. I found a new picture of John my son who has been gone for about 10 years well almost. Anyway it's a picture at my brothers wedding and I get so much joy from seeing him on my sister in laws wall. It means so much to me to know he touched others peoples lives and that he is still remembered. He was so precious to me, and his pictures are just as precious..well almost.
My sister Dawnette married a man in the world. He is a very nice man, and is part of our family. A couple weeks ago their oldest daughter got sick and he took her to the hospital. She was diagnosed with Lupus.. This is such a hard trial for my sister, her husband, and her daughter to go through. Rachelle is just 14 and has this disease that will probably be with her the rest of her life. I say probably because according to the doctors it is un-healable. But I know God can have mercy and heal her. My sister got a profocy that told her god brought this trial for a reason and he would be with her through it. This was a great comfort for her but also she felt like it was saying Rachelle won't be healed anytime soon. Anyway I just wanted to ask for your prayers fro my sister.

Megan Ann Simpson

2010-01-02T22:06:00.000-08:00

I never would have thunk it... I am a grandmother and youngish ha ha. Megan is so beautiful. She is almost 4 months old, our first grandbaby, and a new light to our whole family. She is the very most wonderful baby ever or at least since the last wonderful baby that wasn't mine ha ha...Tonight as I held her she just wasn't happy. Sometimes that happens she has bad days too. Anyway I got her calmed down by letting her watch the television. Then Grandpa (aka Billy) decided he wanted her. It took her about a minute and a half to realize it wasn't Grandma holding her anymore. She flipped out, crying and fussing, I took her back sat her back in my lap and she was fine once again. Then I decided to talk to her so I turned her around and started to tell her how she had hurt Grandpa's feelings and she started to coo at me. Only when she coo's it's like she really is trying to talk it's so adorable. She also tries to sing when she hears music..also adorable. I can't wait till her first birthday already have her presents picked out and will probably add to what I want her to have already ha ha.

I am doing so much better this week and God is so good to us. Sean and Marisela made it for Christmas. It was a very awesome affair. I don't have pictures yet but I will be getting them soon so I can post a few. It has been about ten years since the last time my whole family was together so it was way awesome. It was nice to have Naomi here too. She helped me through a couple really hard days. She probably didn't even know I was having a hard time but I am thankful to her none the less.

Naomi did officially name my family a family of nerds.. We all like to play video games of one sort or another, and though we didn't have much money we did all get a game. It was a very nice christmas all around though, and being able to share it with the kids for Megans first Christmas was very nice. Anyway just wanted to drop a line real quick and got a few lines ha ha

I Need You Now

2009-12-20T08:10:00.000-08:00

I feel like I'm telling God that I need him now all the time. I really was needing to be in church this morning. I didn't get to go Tuesday night and I just feel like I need to be close to the brethren and I need to feel the spirit and I wanted to set in meeting. I got out of bed and came in the living room, and my son Daniel is setting on the futon obviously sick. Well, I could probably make it still, just not with him, then the older one BJ comes out he and Shayla are sick and so is the baby. Well Now I can't go and leave them to take care of Megan when she is sick too. So I ask you to pray for me today. I really need to feel closer to the Lord today. I have these boughts of anger that I have to fight, and yesterday was a really bad day. My husband thought I was mad at him all day, but I wasn't, I was just angry that things aren't different. It makes me feel bad, but I can't help my felings, I just have to fight them harder.
Faith came in a couple days ago and said,"Mommy, I know you miss your baby, so you can have my care bear." I thought it was the sweetest thing ever. She won't give me her Baby Alive, but she will share her care bear ha ha. She is so precious.
Bobby is 14 now and has an admirer. She is NOT allowed to date at all until she is 16. However I thought it would be okay if she texted him and was just friends. This was a big discussion becasue daddy thought this young man was now the enemy in a war, for looking at his daughter. He didn't want her talking to him or going anywhere that this young man may be. It took a lot of discussing between daddy and I to convince him to let her text. That all being said, daddy found the phone this morning before Bobby got it and read a text that said, "what's up cutie." The flares hit the fan. He is not a happy daddy this morning. So now mom has some conjoling to do again. She still won't date till she's 16, but now she probably won't text till next year ha ha.
My kids are all trying to figure out what they are gonna do for the talent show. It is the cutest thing cause they all want to sing. So they are all probably gonna sing a single song. Then they wanna do a skit as well as different ideas with their cousins. So I think it's gonna be fun. I plan to sing at least one song Acapella. I can't sing with music at all. I don't know when to start or when to stop or breathe. Well, I can't do any of it with music ha ha. So my husband has picked a song he likes to hear me sing and then I have one and I kinda wanted to sing one for MEgan but we will see I may just do one. I love to sing I'm just not the greatest singer and my husband is blinded, or deafened by his love for me ha ha.
Cause he thinnks I am the best singer ever ha ha but he did tell me I couldn't win American Idol. He wasn't sure I would make it past the try outs ha ha. I love him anyway.
Well once again thanks for listening or reading my ramblings ha ha

only 6 more days

2009-12-19T11:17:00.000-08:00

Only 6 more days to Christmas and my kids are so excited. I have barely made it to go shopping for four of them. I haven't went for my grandbaby Megan or BJ and Shayla. Not to mention we are having a large family get together on Christmas Day and I have done NO shopping for that. I am really not in the mood for Christmas this year. It was supposed to be a very different holiday. I was supposed to have a baby boy, and since I don't I feel like something is seriously missing. This is probably going to sound so silly, but I feel like my arms are empty all the time. They hurt cause it feels like I should be holding something and am forcing them to be straight. I know I said it would be weird.
I had a good cry the other day and it was very healing. My husband and I were talking and he just said he didn't understand, and I just spilled all my feelings about how I should have done a few things different. I also told him we can look back and say this should have been this way and that should have been that way. But we will never know what really would have happened if we had changed everything. Gods will is supreme and it will be done no matter what our thoughts are. It just seems wrong because and don't take this the wrong way but we have kids now that we wanted less at the time than Michael. We were so excited for him to get here. More than any of our other children to be honest. I can't really explain but it felt like, he was gonna be our last so we were gonna do it up right and go all out. I hope that doesn't come off wrong but that's how I felt anyway.
Now I keep hearing people say, "oh your young you can have another baby". I want everyone to know first of all this is very inconsiderate and not a comfort at all. First of all NO baby can ever replace Michael. And also I HAVE SIX KIDS!!! Michael was a surprise. He would have been adored and well cared for, but I don't wanna be pregnant EVER again. Mostly because I don't do well pregnant. I get sick easily and smell things nobody else does, and did I mention the vomitting. Well, with all except Michael anyway. I was very healthy and it was the best pregnancy I had ever had. But that isn't status quo. I normally llose between 15 and 60 pounds so just to wrap up it's not a comfort to hear I can have more kids. Even though I know I really can, I really don't wanna. However, I would love to have another baby. I know I'm a woman and I don't make since. I wanna adopt maybe ha ha. Not really, cause Billy would NEVER agree. He thinks I work too hard as is..oh well.
Well thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings.

In God's Hands

2009-12-15T15:51:00.000-08:00

Today I titled my post "In God's Hands" because that's where I have to leave things. Sometimes things happen that seem at the time to much to bear and then you realize later how much God really knows what he's doing. We have been so excited for months about our new baby. We have had his name picked from the first week we knew we were gonna get a new baby. I knew in my heart it was a little boy. I had never gotten so excited before and that's saying a lot. We had bought everything and I do mean everything for the baby. On December the 1st I went into labour, and our baby was born on December the 2nd. He never breathed a breathe, never cried, and we didn't get to see his eyes. We named him Michael Ray Reed. My husband picked the name. He found it in the bible, and liked it because Michael was an angel. Now that kinda makes me sad to remember why he picked that name. Because we weren't expecting it I think it's been harder to grasp. It really feels like I've been in a dream and not quite woken up yet.
However, I know God knows what he's doing. He knows what's best and I am going to trust him to get me through the rough times ahead. I have actually been so blessed, I feel so good, almost like I never had a baby. We were told right away that the risk of infection was very high, but I wasn't worried. For those of you who know me, you know what a great thing that is. I have felt comfort since a couple hours after the authorities left. I was very scared when they were here, but god worked it all out. My husband and I really feel blessed to have those in our life who are here. It has been nice to have the brethren.
Now to tell the truth my goal for this week is to not be sad. I miss my baby, but God has greater plans for him. I don't like being sad and I don't think it's good for my kids. So I have told them no sadness allowed. We are happy that Michael gets to be with John and Billy as well as Grandpa Bobby. One day we will get to be with them as well. It's hard to say goodbye but now that we have we are going to celebrate.
That being said today is my birthday. I am... well... older ha ha. My husband had to work, but my kids woke up first thing to hug me and tell me Happy Birthday. Faith had wrapped a tube of chap stick a couple days ago and put it under the tree. She plans to present it in a little while. It's the heart that counts though and she has a very big heart. For my birthday I really wanted one day with no arguing or fighting between the kids. Almost as soon as I opened my eyes they had started..But I knew it was wishful thinking ha ha.
I really just wanted to blog because it's very healing for me and I wanted to share a poem for Michael...

Lord today I sent my baby to you
Please give him wings and let him fly
He's new at this so take it slow
Teach him how they flutter by
I'll miss him so though we'd never met
And I'll never know his smile
But you needhim and now he's yours
He was only mine a while
He'll never know pain
And he'll never know fear
For I know you will keep him near
And Now...
I close my eye's to say goodbye
And watch him fly away to you
Please keep him lord and love him till
I get my wings and join you too

You may think this is a sad poem, but I see such promise in the Lord and all he's promised that this poem makes me smile. God really does know what he's doing. He's gotten me through to this point in time. I also know that I now have three babies waiting for me when I gain my crown.
I really need your prayers, becasue I have had a difficult time with a few things. Faith hasn't been able to turn on her baby alive because when it cries it is a torment for me. I also have had a hard time holding my granbaby. I don't want these things to bother me and really need your prayers that I can overcome these things. I also have a really hard time at night and early morning being tormented. So please just remember me.

A New Attitude

2009-09-10T10:58:00.000-07:00

So after a couple more days I realize what a baby I am. The baby is still healthy, I know cause he/she is kicking and moving around alot. My older girls are trying their best with the house and I am doing okay. My husband kinda blew it on the groceries, but what do you expect for the very first time ha ha. I have a very good family, my sister all the way in Oregon is finishing up my quilts. I had bought fabric but had never gotten them started so she is working on that. I have a couple blankets here that weren't finished that my oldest is gonna finish. Plus we got all the stuff for the baby, including the bassinet. Not the one I picked out but a very cute one nonetheless. In conclusion, I am blessed, not only with good health considering everything but with a wonderful husband who knows how picky I am and was still willing to go grocery shopping, knowing he was doomed for failure ha ha. Also with wonderful children and sisters.
What a complainer I can be right?? Anyway I have resolved to only see the good in everything. The groceries kinda drive me nuts cause he shopped solely at Sams...I knew to begin with it was a mistake. However he got Hamburger which will make a lot of meals, and if we were to have a superbowl party we can use two 5 lb bags of hot wings hee hee. The kids will love him for getting them pretzels for snack, and though I wouldn't have chosen that for a healthy snack he probably could have done worse. Also he only got one bag of Candy, and he did get the spaghetti noodles as well as the elbow macaroni noodles. And even though he forgot the spaghetti sauce he can run to walmart and get some. He really could have done worse..And he was entitled to the cookie dough (store bought can you believe that??)
since I can't get up and make it. Oh well it will be okay...However since I can't do the corn he has shucked adn boiled and cut it off the cob for two solid evenings which is more than a lot of guys would do. He is also gonna help Bobby with the salsa tonight so I really have nothing to complain about. I do wish someone would come paint my walls though ha ha...Not really just wanting some change..
My girls have been so good and even though they do things different than I would I really appreciate their help. I worry about what my kitchen looks like but I am gonna have faith and believe that they are doing it the way I would. Ezekiel came in my room yesterday evening and said a bowl had fallen on his foot. I was like how in the world did that happen? He said I just opened the cabinet and it fell out so I directed Bobby on how to put the dishes away again and her eye rolling with I know mom was very disconcerting...made me worry but when Billy came home and checked he said it looked fine. I hope he's right ha ha. My room seems to be catching a lot of clutter, they won't let me organize it so I have tried to ignore it.. IT'S NOT WORKING...So Bobby and Charity are gonna let me boss them for a few minutes after lunch.. I am kinda excited ha ha.
I just worry too much but everything is still working out for the best I am sure. And on the bright side I am starting to learn a couple songs I have wanted to learn just didn't have the time. I am also reading things I have needed to read for a while, maybe this will help me in the future find more time for reading my bible. I hope so cause I really need it. This is how I found the name for my little girl if Marisela is right ha ha(she always thinks it"s a girl). Keturah Hope, Keturah becasue I read it in the old testament and fell in love with the name and Hope because I already have Faith and Charity, we needed some Hope to add ha ha. Billy always picks the boys names and decided on Michael Ray Michael after an angel from somewhere I really don't know and Ray cause that's all the boys' middle names hee hee. Well I have cured my boredom for another 10 minutes back to watching the clock and being bored some more ha ha...

I'm finally back

2009-09-02T10:30:00.000-07:00

It seems like it has been forever. But I realize it's only been a couple weeks. My computer was fried so I had to wait until my husband found what he considered a "good" deal on a computer. Finally he did, thank goodness.
Well, surprsingly not a lot happened while I was away.. Oh wait, I lost a $500 money order for our rent. That put us back for a while. My baby started preschool, which was easier than I thought it would be ha ha. And I was put on complete bed rest for at least 2 weeks and possibly the duration of this pregnancy. That's a really long stinkin time. My due date as was recently refigured is January 3rd, that's almost 4 1/2 months to be down and after three days I am going insane. I am sick of my room, don't wanna be here anymore. I have found I do feel better when I'm down so I know that's what's best but good golly I wanna get up and fix some stuff. Bobby canned my green beans which was kinda scarey but they needed to get done and she did a really good job. She also did half of my pickles and they look very beautiful. She has been such a big help.
We all have colds too, except for the three youngest kids. Daniel had to stay home from school today.. The rest of us all sound like lungs will be coughed up any minute, and it all just happened overnight. We just woke up two mornings ago with sore throats and it has progressed since then. It's horrible, however on the bright side the baby has been mving alot for the last two days, and that is so exciting cause things could be so much worse. And I realized he doesn't like chocolate. I say he cause I had a dream that it was a boy so we are assuming until it's a girl that it's a boy ha ha. Anyway I stole an m & m from Faith and it just about made me sick well that was a couple weeks ago, and I didn't think about it last night and stole one from Zeke and wham I am sick again. So no chocolate ha ha. Deffinately a boy right??
I have cut out all caffeine, salt and most of my sugar. I am ready to have this baby. I have never tried to be this healthy before and I realize I don't like it ha ha. I try not to eat any processed foods, or frozen from the grocery store, I watch the preservatives and try to eat as much natural stuff as I can. But I want a healthy baby this time, so I guess it's worth the sacrifice right? Anyway, I just wanted to take a few minutes and write a little about what's happened lately......

Not gonna be here for a while

2009-07-29T17:32:00.000-07:00

I am not gonna have a computer for a while mine is acting up and I have to get it fixed. As soon as I get it up and going I will post again. Shayla's shower turned out great today. Had about 50 sisters there, and she was very happy. The quilts got completely finished and were very beautiful if I do say so myself... ha ha Anyway just wanted to let you know I won't be on for a while...at least a couple weeks.

Ezekiel Ray

2009-07-27T10:48:00.000-07:00

Almost done ha ha. Ezekiel is my youngest son...and spoiled so very much. If he had a choice he would deffinately only eat Ramen noodles. I won't allow it though they don't seem very healthy so I only let the kids have them one time a week. I won't even eat those nasty things ha ha.
Ezekiel was my first son after losing my boys... He was a healing experience for me. I was so scared to have another son but when he was born he was so healthy. When he was little he would constantly tell me god had spoken to him and he had to impart the advice to me. He got in trouble quite a lot for it. I would be getting ready to punish him and he would say god just told me little boys shouldn't stand in the corner. Actually the first couple times it surprised me, and I kinda thought it was cute and then I would forget that he was getting punished so it made him worse for a little while. Anyway, I realized what I had done and started punishing him for saying things like that. Now he listens at church and will bring it home sometimes not always...Well like on Sunday we heard how the brethren had always depended on god and it used to be unheard of to send our children to college because we depended on god and he had always provided. That god hadn't changed but where we put our faith and trust had changed. Anyway we come home and we were getting ready for dinner and Ezekiel announced he wasn't gonna go to school this year. I immediately piped up and told him differently. Then he was upset and said we should depend on god we shouldn't go to school. It astounded me that he had understood to begin with then I was speachless because it had kinda been said. I thought about it for a minute and said brother allen and brother HEnry were talking about when you get old enough to get married. He paused for a minute and then said awww man... It was very cute.
Last year Ezekiel started Kindergarten, and on the first day I just stayed in the building waiting for him to need me. He didn't speak real well had a speach impedment and couldn't express himself well. So I kept peaking in the door and seeing if he was okay. He was and did great, he actually got into some speach classes and now everyone can pretty much understand him. He is in the same teachers class this year. Ms. McEvoy and I am exxcited. Last year because they concentrated on his speeach so much he didn't learn everything he should so he will repeat Kindergarten. But I am excited that he is so ready to learn this year. He has worked with books alot and learned new letters and their sounds we have played with sand and done hooked on phonics. He is ready to go this year. I hope he realizes how much he has grown over the summer.
Anyway, Ezekiel is a very special child as all children are. He has his own little personality and he is a very quiet self sufficient child. He can play all day by himself and not have a problem. It's when the other kids try to play with him that he has a problem. He loves super hero's and can't wait to turn 7. He hates when his hair grows long enough to touch his ears and will bug us daily for a hair cut ha ha. When he grows up I imagine him being a very good brother and helping out the less fortunate in the world. He, imagines himself as a firefighter or Superman he isn't sure right now ha ha.

THE BAG!!!

2009-07-21T13:12:00.000-07:00

As promised I am posting pictures of the bag...Bobby was picking up Capri Sun packages and stacking them up when she got this idea to make a purse. I really thought she was kidding at first but then she started sewing them together. At first it was kinda weird looking but it grew on me and by the time she finished it I was thrilled for her. It was adorable, and she has gotten so many compliments just walking around town and stuff. I thought it really showed that she can do whatever she sets her mind to. Well, she finished sewing the outside together and we went together to pick out the lining. I was looking at baby quilt material which is what I always do, anyway she came to me with this black with the peace signs on it. It was such a good choice I think it turned out so very cute. Anyway here are some pictures.....

Well I hope that this has worked. I added the pictures like I normally do, but this time it just added weird little letters and numbers so I hope this works out.
Anyway if not I will try again. I will sonn have the baby quilts for my grand baby finished and then I will take pictures and post them. I am also working on a quilt for my great nephew due in November. Then I will start a quilt for my baby. I have had a hard time figuring out what I want for my baby. I know I want Monkeys, but I can't find any patterns. It's driving me nuts. However I talked to sister Trish Komatas on Sunday who said she would help me if I could just find a picture of the monkeys I like. So I am gonna take her up on that. I am geting way excited now. I love doing the appliqued quilts way more than I liked the pieced ones. Which really surprised me, I didn't expect to enjoy it. Anyway, as soon as I get done quilting I will take pictures, and post them.

Elizabeth Rose

2009-07-16T08:15:00.000-07:00

Elizabeth was nicknamed little bit as a baby. It has kinda stuck for forever, ha ha. Sometimes we just shorten that and call her bit or bitty. Her pet peeve is to be called little spit, her brothers are slowly learning ha ha. Elizabeth was born about 6 weeks early, at first she did great but at 17 days she quit breathing. It was a trial but she obviously made it through that.
When Elizabeth was about 1 year and 17 days old she was walking across the floor and she tripped on a strip that separated the carpet in the dining room from the carpet in the living room. Anyway she fell directly on a cord that was loosely wrapped around the shampooer. I was in the shower because it was the first day I was allowed after having a baby. My husband had stepped outside to grab some fire wood. Bobby came to get me and I told her to get her dad. I climbed out of the shower and wrapped in a towel ran to the living room. To this day I am thankful my husband got there first. She wasn't breathing, her face had turned blue and he was doing CPR, between breathes he was begging god for mercy. After about 10 or 15 minutes she took a breathe. But it was still so scary. She was in shock and shaking really bad, we had to call 911. And when they got there they of course loaded her up in the ambulance. They let me ride with her and when we got a few miles from the house the guy in the back leaned over the seat and said,"ma'am your daughter is gonna be just fine." then he turned to the driver and said,"we need to go faster and turn the siren on." When we got to the hospital, they told me that they couldn't keep her breathing on the way there. When they let me in her room, she didn't recognize me. It was like I was a stranger. It was horrible. The doctor came in and told e she wouldn't make it through the night. That she was to sick to stay in Grand Junction, she showed me x-rays of Bitty's throat and it was crushed, thousands of pieces is what it looked like. So then they life flighted her to Denver. When we got there, the X-rays were gone, so they ordered new ones, when Elizabeth woke up from the flight, she looked right at me and I could tell she knew who I was. There was no fear when she looked at me. She was in the hospital for 1 week and was released directly from intensive care. She was completely healed, except that she couldn't walk anymore. She refused to use her arms for anything, and she wouldn't hardly talk to us. When we were on the way home from Denver in the car I noticed she kept reaching over and rubbing Ezekiel's head. He was barely over two weeks old, but she remembered him and wanted to touch him all the time. When we got home we had a lot to take care of. Everyday I worked with her, tried to get her to walk I would work with her legs and nothing. I couldn't get her to crawl or to eat on her own. I had to feed her and hold her bottle. Even though she had been broken from it the hospital had put her back on a bottle cause they didn't have sippy cups. When I would feed Ezekiel she wanted to sit right beside me she would grunt at me until I lifted her up onto the couch and sat her right beside me. I was getting worried it had been two weeks at home and still she wouldn't use her arms or hands,except to rub Zekey's head. And she wouldn't use her legs for anything. I really started praying that god would show me how to help her. The next time I fed Ezekiel I felt to move over just a couple of inches, Bitty leaned over and kept her hand on his head. So I moved some more and she leaned farther. So I stopped for that day. The next day I started a few inches away from her and scooted twice so she had to move to touch him, and the little booger did. She scooted right over so she could rub his head. I kept working at it everyday and eventually I sat on the floor and she would scoot across the floor, the she started crawling to him. Finally she started walking. It was funny because she only would move to get to her brother. When he started crawling she was finally walking and could keep up with him. When it was over it had taken her 6 months to learn, to crawl, and eat, walk, do everything herself again. But we stuck with it and she did wonderful.
Because they claimed Elizabeth had brain damage, we were told she would never be quite right. That she would be considered mentally challenged. She wouldn't be able to walk, and she would be a virtual vegetable her whole life. Well, last year when Elizabeth started First grade, she did not know her whole alphabet. She deffinately didn't know the sounds of the letters, and we hadn't even started learning math. AT the end of the school year, she was at grade level in reading. And she was in advanced math starting multiplication. She is the smartest girl, probably not in the world but she's pretty smart. She is also the most truthful kid. If you don't want to know the truth don't ask her cause she is mean truthful ha ha. One day before church I had put on a dress and did my hair and asked her if I looked okay. She said seriously mom, you are not gonna wear that dress. It makes you look like your sick. At first I was a little offended, but then my husband came in and said you know that color just makes you look so pail. Don't you have a brighter dress to wear. She didn't mean to be mean to me she was just telling me what she saw ha ha.
Elizabeth has always been a comfort to me in times of sadness. She just has this comforting touch. Even when I'm not sad she hugs me, quite frequently actually. She hasn't been able to sleep without a hug and a kiss since she was about 2. I keep thinking she'll grow out of it but she doesn't. Her and Daniel go to the same school, and when she see's him in the hall she always to his great embarrassment runs up and hugs him. He is always asking me to tell her she can't hug him at school anymore. But I still think it's cute that she looks up to him so much ha ha. I did actually talk to her about not embarrassing him, but she doesn't understand, just yesterday when we went to pick him up from sumer school she ran right over to hug him, and he hollered mmooooommm didn't you have something to talk to Elizabeth about? I just laughed cause he got more attention yelling than her hugging him did.
Elizabeth can be annoying because she is very matter of fact. She points out the rules and tries to line everyone out. Because that's my job it does annoy me sometimes ha ha. Like I said all my children are special in their own ways and Elizabeth is no exception. Her love and caring attitude is one of the things that set her apart from others. I hope one day that she is a great servant to the brethren. Right now she wants the same thing, but I have found as they get older their thoughts on life change drastically.

Daniel Ray

2009-07-12T19:19:00.000-07:00

I have put off this post for a while, because it is hard to describe this boy of mine. He craves attention, but has the softest heart. He has such inspiring ideas, but can embarrass me faster than anything by his comments. He loves to sing, but does it at the weirdest times. He can memorize every line in any movie but can't get his multiplication tables. He loves to learn but hates to read.
Wow that wasn't as hard as I thought. Daniel was the kid that we didn't expect. I had just had John and he was about 7 months old when I felt movement in my stomach. I really thought Satan was tormenting me. There was no way I was already gonna have another baby. So I asked mom and her being the mom she is agreed with me and we thought up a good explanation. It was a tumor, sad but what I had to deal with. I gained weight and got so sick, but it was obviously the symptoms of a tumor. Then when John was about 10 months old I started hurting really bad. I assumed I was going to pass a tumor and called a sister. She let me know I was probably having a baby not a tumor. Then six weeks later sure enough a baby was born.
Needless to say, he was a blessing in disguise. Just because I wouldn't accept what was to be. Well 10 years later, I couldn't imagine life without him. Although today I don't know what would have happened if I could have caught him. He broke out in song after church while we were all in the parking lot,"Hey now here we go, got to make them come back for more." then "long black train" at the top of his lungs" it was driving me nuts. When he was a baby he would sing I'm using my Bible for a road map. It was the cutest thing to hear cause he was pretty little. But now he likes to sing, Marching in the light or Gods wonderful people. Which I guess could be worse.
Last year in the fall I found Daniel sitting in the yard just sobbing so I went out and sat with him and asked what was wrong. He said he was so sad because the trees looked like they were dying and the birds would have no where to build nests. So I explained that the tree's slept in the winter and the birds flew to where it was warmer. He seemed to take it better, but he still gets the sniffles when the landlord trims the bushes or the trees cause he thinks he's killing them.
Two years ago for his 8th birthday he wanted a fishing pole. He talked about his fishing pole all the time. About three weeks before his birthday I asked why it was so important to get a fishing pole. He told me he really needed it cause brother Leroy had read a passage in the bible a couple weeks before about how we should be fishers of men. He thought that meant he should go fishing. I bought him a fishing pole but I don't think we ever took him fishing. He still talks about how Uncle Sean is gonna teach him how one day. Cause we told him we really didn't know how to fish but his Uncle did hee heee.
We were eating dinner at the church in a large group of brethren. The boys were joking about starting a food fight. Daniel pipes up very loud my mom would beat me to within an inch of my life. I was so embarrassed I had probably almost assuredly used those words with him but I wouldn't ever hurt the rotten kid. Anyway I didn't live that down for a very long time.
We are now into 9 months of working on multiplication tables. We need him to memorize them. He still hasn't gotten past the 2's. However he watched Transformers three yes I said three times and could quote the movie. Word for exact word. I was so annoyed, it doesn't even look like I work with him but I feel like we read and multiply ALL the time. He knows exactly what his favorite characters say and do all the way through the movie though. Not that that's gonna help him later in life, but then again maybe he will be a movie editor or something.
Daniel is turning 10 in 6 days oh how the years have flown by. He finally three or four weeks ago has started sleeping alone. He used to have to have a brother, mother, or sister sleep either on his bed or on the floor next to him his whole life. He couldn't sleep otherwise. But I was so happy when Ezekiel was so bad that he was able to sleep alone. What a big boy right???
Daniel is fascinated with space and all that happens there. His favorite web site is www.space.com he loves it. He loves to watch the stars and see all the things that happen up there. We actually watched the sapce station pass over a couple times last week and he was so excited.
I think that his quirky personality is part of the reason I love him so much. He can be annoying but he is so special at the same time. Since Ezekiel has been better he is Daniel's little bud. Daniel protects him and plays with him and teaches him so many things. He makes sure Zeke is being treated right and stands up for him all the time. He wasn't like that before, and I definately like the new Daniel. I think That Zeke being sick scared him really bad. But it was a good scare apparently.

Once again so thankful for the Faith

2009-07-10T11:59:00.000-07:00

My husband's niece just had a death in her family. Her mother-in-law. I totally knew but it's easy to forget how much the brethren do for each other. She (my niece) called me yesterday to see what to do about the dinner after the funeral on Saturday. I asked doesn't the church put that together? Because they are having a church service at another church. They don't go to our church. Anyway, she said they told her they can go in on some chicken but for the most part they had to find someone to bring food. That's not a problem for me because I had already counted on taking my regular amount of food, and for funerals at the church I try to take three times what my family consumes at a single meal.
Anyway, I was so thankful for the brethren, I remember when our boys passed away there were so many people at the funerals, and who just came to see us at our house to offer comfort as well as their condolences, I really didn't realize the world doesn't have this. It's so important to me to be a light and to help those around me that it's just part of my life. But when I talk to someone in a situation where they don't have that it's crazy. I wonder where are there friends but I also realize I was raised to be a good sister and mom always told me to take extra to church dinners and funerals. So it's just who I am. But now I wonder if I should take even more. I really am in a delemma. Not quite sure how much is enough. I really want them to have plenty.
I read Stephanie's obituary and I was so sad I cried for a long time and I really didn't know her, but I am so devistated by her passing. She was only 41, and through an accident her life was taken. She had been out and when she came in she parked in the garage, we think she forgot to turn her truck off, and when she realized the garage had already filled with carbon monoxide and she couldn't get back in the house. It just made me so sad and made me ask was I the light I should have been, was I a good example. Could I have tried harder. Maybe I should have invited her to church. I always go through the what ifs but this time it was so much worse on me. She was only a year older than my husband.. Anyway I have tried to not think about it too much cause I just start crying and I don't think it's good for the baby for me to be emotional all the time. SO calm and relaxed is what I am trying all the time.

I am sooooo emotional this time. I cry all the time, I was watching the news and they were talking about how because our summer was late coming we weren't gonna have as good of a peach crop. I was just sobbing over the stupid peaches. My husband was not very sympathetic and kept asking why are you so upset again? I don't understand..It's kinda funny now, but I have had 8 children and have never had this problem before. I mean my emotions were different but not like this. I also have a second quilt top almost finished just have to quilt them both for the shower on the 29th. Then I want to do a quilt for my baby but I can't find an applique pattern for a monkey. If anyone has any ideas let me know. really want to get at least one quilt done...

Blissful

2009-07-08T09:32:00.000-07:00

I have had such a good pregnancy this time, I just wanted to say thank you Lord in a public forum. I have been so sick with my children, except the first two. I couldn't keep food down, and everything made me have extreme heart burn. With the last three I started having slight contractions from the time I was three months and they just got worse and worse until they were born. This time there has only been slight morning sickness, which I am sooooooooooo thankful for. I haven't been hurting and can get out and walk every day almost. I have been getting dizzy, but I am always anemic (I have low iron) so that's probably why. But I just wanted to say I am so thankful that the lord has been so good to me. I am only 15 weeks, so I could deffinately have the sickness later on or whatever but I am thankful I've made it this far without.
I am so grateful today because last night I did feel bad, I had gotten stressed over situations out of my control. Things I can't do anything about, but when I calmed down and decided I wouldn't worry anymore I was fine. It made me realize how good I have felt this time.

Oh happy day

2009-07-06T09:58:00.000-07:00

I am having a great morning just sitting here with the kids. Zeke is wanting more attention than he probably should but he's been sick so that's okay ha ha. Faith is getting tired of him getting so much attention and asked if you can have your noodle thing(appendix) out with out going to the doctor ha ha.
Faith was excepted to preschool this year. Last year she didn't qualify because there were so many children who really needed it and they didn't feel like she did, but this year after we have made the decision to move, she gets accepted.
OH wait did I not mention that before.Well Billy and I have been praying and have felt like we weren't supposed to move yet. The last time we prayed about it however we asked that one of two things happen if we are supposed to move and though it's been almost a year one of those things happened. We are still prying but we are hoping after our grandbaby is born to move out to the Portland , Oregon area. I am so excited, I keep talking to Billy about things we did as a kid and what was there when I was little. He told me half of it probably isn't even there anymore, ha ha. But I've been looking online and have found alot of places I remember. We moved from there when I was 9 so it's been a long time. We are planning to sell most of our stuff because we don't want to tote it that far. I have been putting out Billy's resume a lot all over he really wants a maintenance job so that's where I've been sending his resume.
I think it's gonna be hard to leave here on one hand we have lived here longer than anywhere else and it was so hard to leave Kansas, so this is expected to be way harder. AND Elizabeth is very scared about it. But we told her we would always make sure that they are safe, and she seemed to calm down quite a bit. My older girls are ecstatic about the idea, we haven't officially told them but they have guessed, we just haven't had time to sit down and have a family meeting lately.
Anyway just wanted to give a small update..

Grandma

2009-07-02T08:17:00.000-07:00

So I know I've kinda mentioned it before, but I am gonna be a grandma. I am so very excited. Shayla is due the 12 of September, and we think it's a girl but we could be wrong. Well at least I think it's a girl. I had a dream that she came to see me and brought a beautiful little girl, a couple nights later she called to let me know she was gonna have a baby.
I actually talked to someone the other day that didn't think I had blogged about it and I realized I haven't. I can't believe I haven't yet because it's such a big deal to my husband and I. Just a few months after Shayla told us she was expecting I found out that I am expecting again. I am very excited about both babies because my baby will have a friend and so will hers. I was worried because there is gonna be 5 years between my babies and I have always wanted my kids to be close, I am also a worry wart that never quits. SO even though I worry it will all probably be just fine.
Anyway, I am gonna go be in the other room while Shayla has her baby. I don't think it would be good for me to be in the room with her, and mom agreed. I was kinda sad by that but I've kinda excepted it as god's will and been able to deal with it just fine. I am helping with the baby shower however because I can't be there and am very excited about that. I think we decided on a buggy theme, and it will match the quilt I made for her baby. I actually have several quilts made and am making another one for the shower that is a miniature of the one I did for their wedding. It's gonna be so cute. When I finish I will add a picture of it.
Well I just wanted to tell you about my impending grandmotherhood....Is that a word ha ha..

Getting Baptised

2009-06-29T13:06:00.000-07:00

Okay so Saturday we went to the lake and let the kids just plain have fun. They played in the water for about an hour when this large group of people came down to the water clapping and singing. I kept saying their gonna baptise someone but everyone thought I was making a funny. Sure enough after a bit two of the men got into the water. We couldn't hear what they were saying but they talked for a bit and a kid walked down to them and was baptised. Everyone clapped and the kid walked back up to the shore and set off to himself on the picnic table in the back. We watched this with nine people. I received soooo much comfort. Your gonna think it's silly probably but I made my kids get out of the water out of respect, they weren't very thrilled with me though.
Any way the comfort came because I really thought about how much love there is in the faith. I have a hard time getting things across like I think them so bear with me. These kids were baptised and then walked off by themselves. When I was baptised, I was immediately met at the beach with a couple blankets, after they layed on hands everyone came and greeted and hugged me. I felt such a joy and peace at the same time. These kids looked so alone.
There are times I take for granted the faith. I think to myself this is how it should be and this person should be doing this or that person should be doing that. I feel alone because of my choices and what I allow myself to feel. I think of hospitality as one thing when I see another all around me. I don't feel hospitality is call ahead seating ha ha. But at the same time it's really not my place to say. Anyway I have been down lately for reasons that are hard for me to explain. But I felt like god showed me it's all in my head. So I am going to try harder to make things easier on myself.

Billy Joe

2009-06-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

Okay so I realized last night that I got out of order a bit. Billy Jo is the oldest of our kids, but I think of him as our third child because it was after Charity was born that we found out about him. Billy and I thought we had life figured out we had finally figured out how to get these two crazy girls ready in time for church as well as ourselves and make it before the first preacher got on the floor. We felt we'd been through trials enough that we were gonna be on a straightaway. No trials for months maybe years. We had had some hard ones right????
Well, when we were in this mode one day(or so I received some mail addressed to Billy. I opened it before he got home and thought my world was crushed. He was being ordered to take a paternity test. I had seen the little boy a couple of months earlier and in my mind I already knew the answer. I sat around that day crying and thinking what am I gonna do. I am not the nurturing type of person that can care for a child that isn't my own. I prayed and prayed and at about two that afternoon I came to a realization. I was born god's child I was adopted and he loves me as if I was always his child. I can do this. By the time Billy got home I was in a way better frame of mind. He was shocked, but I kept saying we can do this. So needless to say he took the test and 6 weeks later we found out he was a daddy. We immediately called BJ's mom to meet BJ. We met him and I thought he was just a miniature of my husband. How could I not love him right?? Well, it wasn't quite that easy. It was very hard for me to adjust, But every night and sometimes during the day I would pray that GOd would give me a love for him as I has for my children. Well, in about 2001 we lost contact with him. We weren't able to get ahold of him for about 6 years. In 2007 my husband was wanting to move back to Wichita. It was hard for me because I wasn't very happy there. I have asthma and couldn't breathe well in the summer and for many reasons I didn't want to go. However, I was willing to go where god wanted me to go. So I prayed if we were supposed to stay in Colorado he would allow us to get in contact with BJ. Probably never happen right? 2 hours later BJ called and asked can I talk to my dad. Once again I'm sobbing and crying cause mostly I didn't have to move again, but we had also been able to contact BJ again.
A couple months later BJ came to see us. We thought he was gonna stay permanently and when he went back to WIchita I realized god had answered my prayers, I ached right in the center of my heart, knowing he was making a bad decision. It was so very hard.
However to make a long story shorter...ha ha He came back. Met the woman who is now his wife and through trial and error they are working through some rough things. They are now getting ready to have a baby in September (a girl I'm sure). and they seem so happy right now. I am so thankful that GOd brought him into our lives. He was baptized during a very hard trial that my husband and my girls and I were going through and helped us remember that forgiveness is very important. He helped us learn to forgive for the greater good even when you don't really wanna. Holding that anger closer than your children is not a good idea. And we are better for the lesson. Even when it's very hard to forgive it's what's best for you and the other person or persons involved.

it seemed ha ha)

John Ray

2009-06-26T15:59:00.000-07:00

John was my first boy. When I was expecting him we really didn't expect him to make it. We also thought he was a girl ha ha. A girl he was not. He was born about 10 p.m. on June the 7th 1998. Billy had only been in Grand Junction a couple days. I had been here a little over a week. Maybe two weeks, Anyway, from the getgo I expected him to have problems eating and on day 3 it was no surprise when I couldn't get him to stay awake long enough to eat. And in normal freakin out Barbara fashion I started calling mom and crying and getting really scared. I may not remember this exactly correctly but I remember being so upset and saying he won't stay awake to eat. I remember feeling so small. But then Marisela came in and held him for a minute, then I remember her turning him upside down....then when he started screaming at her she flipped him back and handed him to me and said something like try now. I don't remember him having another problem after that. He had the best appetite and I didn't worry about him not eating again. He loved balls of every kind. Especially baseballs, my mom said there were so many times she would hear him yell ball and that was the only warning she had that he was throwing a baseball at her face, and she would have to duck.
I can remember when we put in the new carpet at the church he was very fussy and only singing this one Christmas song would make him happy so I set in the recliner in the church and sang beautiful star of Bethlehem over and over and if I went to slow he would say faster mama faster. I remember being so frustrated with him that day, but it's one of my favorite memories. Isn't it funny how that works?
When John was almost two he was taken from us in a fire. It was very devistating and though I can talk about him a-lot now, it still brings tears to my eyes remembering. Because I miss him so very much. I love to talk about him, because it keeps him alive in my heart. That's so important to me, I don't want anyone to forget him because for some reason it feels like if he's not remembered his life was for naught and I can't ever believe that. There was a reason god gave us that little boy if only for a short while.
To this day I can talk about him to people around here and they can remember exactly what they were doing and where they were when they heard he was gone. It's kinda weird but it brings me great comfort, because they all remember him and his life touched so many. Not just our family but people he had never even met, and some that he had. He loved to go to church, which I have found rare in children that small. Normally they don't care, but John would always ask if we were going and what day.
When I remember John, I remember a boy who loved everyone he was around. It made him feel so big to walk into church and be patted on the head by the older brethren. I remember Uncle Erwin would always tell us John sounds like a good strong Easter name. We would always laugh and then John would laugh even though we all knew he didn't understand what we were laughing about.
John loved cars, balls and family. He was a special child who seemed happy all the time. His very favorite food was raisins. And his favorite car was a miniature lambourgini that had doors that would open, he would put raisins inside and when they crashed he would eat them. His favorite toy was a football that was blue and silver, it was a nerf in his favorite team the Cowboys colors. He is missed by all those that knew and loved him.

Charity RayLynn

2009-06-24T08:54:00.000-07:00

Charity is my second baby. I really thought she was a boy. Well before she was born. My aunt had a dream that she was a boy and I had a dream..When she was born there was no disappointment for me though, I was just glad she was healthy. That lasted all of two weeks. At two weeks I noticed she was losing weight not gaining. I would try to feed her more often but she kept losing. She was born at 6lbs 6 ozs. When she was 5 weeks I really started getting scared. I think god really protected me from seeing how bad she really was, but I saw enough to be scared. I could see her ribs when I changed her diaper and her stomach looked bloated to me. When she was 6 weeks old I brought her to Colorado to see my mom. My mom had me show her to an older Sister here in Colorado. She recommended that I try to feed her with an eye dropper, so I started that every hour as much as she would take and I started to see an improvement. We were at my moms for just a couple days and the authorities came out. They made me take her to the hospital, where they could find nothing wrong. They just diagnosed her with failure to thrive. Which meant she decided she didn't want to eat anymore, or that's how they explained it. A week later I had to take her to a specialist, where I was told she was born without a sucking reflux. She was 7 weeks old and they didn't know how she had made it that long. They started putting me and her together through classes so I could teach her to suck on her bottle. Finally at eight weeks she started taking to the bottle and eating. So I went back home to Kansas where once again the authorities came out. They asked me to take her to the hospital again, but she had gained two pounds and I saw her doing much better. I asked for a court order, and they removed her from my custody. She was gone for 72 hours before we knew where she was. Then we were able to go see her. The doctor told me she was so delayed in her growth that we would never have a normal child. She would be mentally retarded, and probably would not be able to attend school with other children. He also said we probably would never see her walk. Apparently a baby needs to gain so much weight in their first couple months for their brain growth. But apparently he didn't know my God.
Well at 15 months Charity proved them wrong, she started walking. Then I decided to teach her at home and surprise surprise she was able to learn. Finally in Kindergarten I decided to put her in public school. She did pretty good. She was a little slower, but she was getting it.
Charity is now 12 almost 13, she probably is not what you would call normal (ha ha joking) but she's deffinately NOT mentally retarded. She bakes the best cookies and brownies. Also cakes and she can make almost any meal on the stove top. She has been such an inspiration and light in my life.
Charity is a caregiver of the highest sort and one day that will be one of her gifts in the faith I am sure.
She has a faith that is so plain to see and she wants the faith in her life. I feel it's a gift to be her mother.

Bobby LeeAnn

2009-06-18T06:16:00.000-07:00

Today, I decided to dedicate a blog to each of my wonderful children. I decided to start with Bobby LeeAnn.
About a year almost after Billy and I were married we had Bobby LeeAnn, she was such a precious baby born on the 28th of May. I thought I was an awesome mother but looking back I made some huge mistakes. But a 18 I thought I knew it all. Bobby was pretty tiny when she was born, she weighed in at 6 lbs 6 ozs. but when the health nurse came out just three weeks later she calculated our scales at home to be off and told me Bobby was only 4 lbs 6 ozs. I don't know about this, I always believed them to know what they were doing but I don't kmow for sure. I do know she was a tiny baby. The adventures of Bobby were great, and I learned to be a mom. I learned a-lot about myself as a person in that year, about what I really wanted in life and about the things that shouldn't be in my life. I learned to quit saying crap and instead started yelling crayon when I stubbed my toe. That word is just not cute coming out of a 9 month olds mouth. However it was so cute when she started yelling crayon!!! I also learned not to allow smoking around my children. Bobby would develop a weird yellow rash in her hair and on her skin, everything that wasn't covered by clothes. Also she ran around in only a diaper a lot so sometimes it was really bad. Which brings me to the next thing I learned keep clothes on your babies at all times. You never know when there might be an emergency. Well for instance when your husband is on his way to work and has a flat (working third shift) and you have to find clothes and keys. Get the baby dressed and drive 20 miles in 2 minutes so he won't be late for work. I also learned that moms make mistakes and they should never hide it from their kids. Kids need to know that moms make mistakes so when mom gets pulled over going 55 in a 30 the kid won't say, "sometimes mommy really drives fast but only when she's mad at grandma and grandpa" to the police officer.
Bobby was about two and she and her younger sister Charity were best friends. One afternoon they were playing in their room, and all the sudden I kept hearing Bobby yell help me mommy. I started looking and then got frantic running up and down the hall looking in every closet as well as every nook and cranny, Under the beds, everywhere. Charity was standing in the hall, and I kept asking where is your sister and she would shrug. I finally decided maybe the bathroom so I went in there no Bobby but as I'm looking in the bathroom I heard Bobby behind me near Charity yell again. Charity was standing in front of the dryer. SO I made her move to the side and opened the door and there was my baby just sobbing. Somehow Charity had gotten Bobby in the dryer and Charity had closed the door and stood there until I found her. I was so mad at her that poor baby was so scared. She probably did something to Charity before that, but that's besides the point. Ha ha. Bobby had many, many adventures though, she would hide and then when I went to find her she wouldn't make a peep even when I Was close. Once we were at the church and I couldn't find her. I was looking everywhere, I started to get hysterical because I couldn't find her so my husband asked everyone too look around them. After about 30 minutes they finally found her. She was hiding under a bench and thought we were playing hide and seek, so when I would holler her name she would just be as quiet as could be so I wouldn't find her..talk about embarrassing.
Bobby is now 14 years old, I don't know how that happened seems like just yesterday she was just a baby depending on me for everything. She has gotten so independent, but I guess if she wasn't I would really be worried ha ha.
In the last two years Bobby has really come into her own, she knows how she believes about everything and sticks to it. She also is a very protective girl. She really protects the kids, and when they are sick she is right there worrying as much as me almost. She will make a very good mother one day.
Bobby wants to be a fashion designer when she grows up and when she finishes it I will post a picture of the very first Bobby Reed original purse. Should be done in a week. Or that's her guess it might take a little longer.

When the Healing Waters Flow

2009-06-17T11:31:00.000-07:00

God has been so good I can't complain. Every-time I ask he answers, probably not in the way I think it is gonna happen but he is the none-the-less. I have prayed so hard for Ezekiel, he has had so much pain, and the answer from the health professionals is to give him medication. I really didn't want that but there's not a lot I could do. Anyway, today they came in to give him the pain meds and he was setting up in bed and he asked "what is that?" The nurse told him it was for his pain. He told her I don't have pain so why do I need that? She said "sweety that's not possible, you just had a major surgery 4 days ago. You have to have a lot of pain. Don't try to be a hero." He said, "actually I am already a hero, and god took the pain away cause the medicine scares my mom" So the nurse left that was at 7 o'clock this morning. It is now almost 1 p.m. and still he has no pain. The nurse came in and changed his bandages and asked if he had changed his mind and he said no. She then told me she thought he would be in excruciating pain by now but he has gotten in the floor and played with his car, and his lady bug , as well as his stuffed animals. He has gotten tired and is now taking a nap. However, no pain meds today. God did this for me, I have been so worried because they say you can get addicted to morphine, but god took care of it for me. I am so very thankful, I know I wouldn't make it through this trial without god at my side holding my hand.

Ezekiel truly is my hero right now, I keep telling him this and he replies, "just don't kiss me mom" He hates it when we kiss him. He always wipes it off. when I worry and start saying things out loud about it. He always replies,"just pray mom" It is inspiring that he has that much faith. Yesterday he told me god said it's gonna be all right. And today when the doctor said he probably gets to go home tomorrow, he said I told you so. Ezekiel is so precious to me, as well as my husband and the other kids. Yesterday just thinking about not having him here had me in tears. He leaned over not knowing what I was crying about and said,"if you talk to god you will feel better." He was right and I did.

So tomorrow we get to go home Lord Willing, and I am so excited. My older girls have deep cleaned and washed walls, they also have kept the house up since I have been here with Ezekiel and I am so thankful. They are such good girls, they have done such a good job. I couldn't have managed without them.. I feel so dependent on others right now. But hopefully I can draw even closer to the Lord.

Now I have another story to tell. I was having a dream a couple weeks ago, in my dream I kept playing with this little blonde headed blue eyed boy. His features were so clear and his hair was almost white it was so blonde. I really thought I was dreaming about my son John who passed away 9 years ago, there was no volume in the dream it was like a silent movie. But I was getting so much comfort. I have wanted to dream of him for 9 years and never did it happen. Anyway, I found out I am expecting, and that night I had the dream again, only the sound was turned on. I picked him up and hugged him and said I love you sooo much. You are such a blessing then I laid him in his crib, and I said do you want to take a nap Mikey? Then I watched him close his eyes and I woke up. I had such a peaceful feeling after that. I had some complications with Faith and have been kinda scared. Anyway, Billy came home from work that evening and said I picked a boy's name. I was kinda excited to tell him maybe we should think of Michael. And he said God showed me to name our son Michael. I had to start crying, then I told him about my dream. Isn't that a wonderful thing that god showed us both at the same time. It was so awesome. Billy and I made an agreement years ago that he would name the boys and I would name the girls, and so far it has worked out pretty well. Anyway we still need prayers which I think sometimes I am a broken record saying that. However, it's true. Even though Zeke is doing so much better right now I know it could go the other way. Please help us to pray that god's will will be done but if it's his will Ezekiel won't get anymore infection. I would really appreciate it.

God is smarter than everyone but I am smarter than you mom.

2009-06-14T11:57:00.000-07:00

God is smarter than everyone, but I am smarter than you mom. These were the words my son spoke to me yesterday as they were preparing for another surgery. We brought him in for the follow up appointment on Friday and the doctor immediately admitted him to the hospital. They found a large abcess in his stomach cavity. I was so scared and still have a lot of fear that this will come back. I got a little braver than I should have probably, and asked the doctor what would happen if we just didn't sign any papers and decided against the surgery and his response was "are you gonna make me say this in front of your son?" I was just so upset I spent the night on the computer trying to find an alternative that they would accept to the surgery, but aparently this abcess was behind something else so he couldn't go any other way. And as I keep reminding myself there is a reason for everything and god could have taken this away. So obviously we are going through this for a reason.
Ezekiel's answer was that we can go home and then go on vacation, when I said I didn't think that would work that's when he told me this. He is such a smart little boy and we love him so much. He woke up Friday morning in a fair amount of pain and when I asked him if he wanted me to call someone to pray, he asked me to call the bald elder(Bro Merl Morris) and Bro. Allen and Sis. Susan Shamburg. I actually failed him a bit. I had Billy call the Shamburgs, but I just said the elders. Then when we got up here and the doctor told us the bad news I remembered he asked me to call so I called Sis. Linda and asked them to pray. I did not however tell her Zeke had asked me to call the bald elder.
Yesterday, a nurse popped her head in the door and said good luck, she was going off shift and really fell in love with Ezekiel's personality. Anyway, as soon as she closed the door again Ezekiel said, "she should have said bad luck cause that's all I have." I was so saddened by his outlook, so I started pointing out good points and the fact that kids all over have worse luck than him. But the bad attitude is persisting. Aunt Heather was playing a video game with Billy and Ezekiel wanted to play, he started pressing buttons and pretty soon he was crying. I was all over that and told him maybe we shouldn't have tried so soon cause he was in so much pain. He was just sobbing, then a minute later he was calmed down a bit and he sobbed out "Aunt Heather didn't even give me a chance to hit her". He wasn't hurting he was a poor sport about the game. So Aunt Heather then played again and let him win four or five more times. When he was done he said Scorpions good. Right now as I type Zeke and Billy are playing the fighting game and they keep throwing back and for "cheater" or Ezekiel will say"give me a chance da da" They are finally gonna watch a movie cause Ezekiel won a couple times.
I actually just got on here to check my email and decided to look at my blog. I got soooo much comfort from your comments. I was praying that god would send me comfort cause I have cried so much I thought there were no more tears, then I looked at the comments and my eyes filled again. I am so thankful to have this wonderful God who knows my needs. I really needed the strength I was given today. Ezekiel is such a small little boy and it isn't easy to watch him go through things that I can't fix. I am really scared, well they said when I finally get to take him home he will still have an open wound, this scares the tar out of me. I am not so good with blood, and to actually have to clean and care for an open wound it's kinda scarey. But I know God can grant me the strength to do it. He has given me strength in harder situations. And I know he is with me in this situation.
Anyway if you remember us please pray for our family, we just need strength and comfort to get through this.

One more thing if any of you can see the weirdness happening on the right of my page and you know how to fix it please let me know. I have tried fro a very long time and can't get it. It's pictures and words from an earlier post entitled "happier times." Like I said, just let me know if you see it and how to fix it thanks.

What A Difference A Day Makes.

2007-09-26T20:08:00.000-07:00

Sleeping has definately made me feel a little better. Listening to gospel music made me feel closer to god, and helping to care for gods people made me feel like my problems were small.
I helped care for a sick sister again today and it made my problems seem smaller. Not non-existant, but deffinately smaller. As I listened to my CD's I felt closer to god, and sleeping took away my headache. So a day makes a lot of difference. And while my trials will never be over, I asked god for comfort and he deffinately lightened my load.
I am thankful today for the things and people I have. I am thankful for Sister Velvadene, she has been there and let me cry on her shoulder through some pretty rough stuff. I am thankful for my sisters, Naomi, Marisela, Heather, and Rene'. They have just let me know they're praying and told us they love us and that's what we needed above all. I am thankful for my husband, he has been my rock for a long thirteen years, and continues to support, and comfort me. I am thankful for my children, BJ who can ask more questions than 400 four year olds, Bobby my oldest daughter who has faced so much and can still smile, Charity who is so strict about following the rules(she keeps me in line sometimes jk) Daniel who's name means shock value(everything he says he hopes to make someone react in a loud way) Elizabeth, who from day one has been a great comfort in times of need, Ezekiel poor baby nobody can understand a word he says but we still try, and finally I'm thankful for Faith, whose favorite song at the moment is Barbara Manatee from Veggie Tales, and she thinks she can sing it in church.(she doesn't do anything that we don't think is cute) I'm thankful that we have a running vehicle. I'm thankful for my washer and dryer tonight, and for the laughter we are still able to find. Our philosofy "if you don't laugh you'll cry." And I hate to cry!!
Okay I think you've heard enough of my thankfulness. I learned something today, when life is at the point you really can take no more god sends comfort in the most amazing ways. For me that comfort was I GOT A HOUSE. We have been trying to find a house for 7 months. Guess why this man chose us to rent his house? Because my husband and I went to look at the house together and because we were holding hands when we walked up to say hi. Also, get this BECAUSE we have 7 Children. I am so greatful to the lord for his mercy tonight.
God comforts us in the strangest ways sometimes. Today, I was feeling sorry for myself, I was also trying to get my daughter to sleep, crying and trying to hide it. She was really cranky and needed a nap. Anyway, She reached up and put her tiny hand on my cheek and said momma sing. I'm not real good at singing but I put my whole heart into it, and I have always sung to my kids. Anyway, I really wanted comfort and had prayed for it. When I asked her what she wanted me to sing she said "Make a Blessing" it comforted me so much. "God will make this trial a blessing" is my favorite song, I learned it from my Uncle Gene and it's just a special song to me. Anyway I sung it and just singing lightened my load. I think it's harder to sing when your down so it brings you up further.
Well it's getting late, and I still need to move beds into my new to me house. Yay!!! Thank you everyone who has been praying for us. I'm thanking you because I am greatful, but I just want to let you know my family still needs the prayers DON'T STOP YET.
Tomorrow evening we are having an important meeting and would appreciate the prayers. Good night.

Roll On......

2007-09-25T07:50:00.000-07:00

I am facing a trial I never thought would be put in my way, and I really need prayers. I don't feel like I can say exactly what it is because I'm not the only one facing it, but I REALLY need you to pray for me RIGHT NOW.
I have a lot of anger toward someone right now and I don't want that. I want to be able to forgive and forget. I know I can because I have in the past.
But this brings me to the point of this blog. Can you feel like god has put to much on you, that you can't bear any more? Well we know god won't give us more than we can handle, because his word tells us so. But can we feel like he has, I have to say I have felt that way, but only long enough to "get my head in the game". When I realized I thought that way I immediately refocused my mind to the things that are important and realized that the trials were not trivial however they could be worse. Every time I have went through a trial in the last ten years I have had to remind myself of this and it makes it better. Seriously, even now I know my trial that I am facing now could be worse. I have faced a lot(who hasn't right)and every time I can look back and say god was with me and he protected me and my children. Even at times when I didn't see the protection part at first, I realized later that he was there, that even though something bad happened, it could have been worse. I remember when my son passed away, at first I was numb then later that evening it was like satan just jumped into my head and I thought, where was god, why didn't he protect my baby? I started praying as soon as I realized my thoughts and asking god to show me why this had happened, and I have to say I grew up alot in that first week. I had a lot of growing up to do and god couldn't get through to me any other way. He had tried in different ways, I would call it a trial and go on but I needed to look at the deeper meaning behind my trials cause god was trying to show and teach me something. And I learned a lot, that life is to short for little piddly fights, John was here and gone so quick, and did I do a good job of showing and telling him that the lord loved him and that I loved him. After I reflected on his life I think I could have done better. I did try to tell him everyday that I loved him, and I would sing of gods love to him all the time. His favorite song was Beautiful Star of Bethlehem, as I would sing he would say go faster mamma. Anyway, I'm getting off the point, our trials are lessons in life to teach us to be stronger and so we will draw closer to god. As we face these trials we are literally working out our souls salvation.
Everyone already knew these things I'm sure, just needed to remind myself of what is important in my life, and that things will work out.
Anyway I know I keep repeating myself but I really do need your prayers.

Funny face

2007-09-24T14:36:00.000-07:00

Okay so I couldn't think of anything to write about today and I thought I would put up something new so I did this quiz thing, WHAT CRAPPY CHRISTMAS GIFT ARE YOU? Guess what this thing was so close......lol.................

You Are a Fruitcake!

You taste like nothing else in this world.
And get ready, you're about to get tossed!

What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?

Getcha Some

2007-09-22T22:05:00.001-07:00

I found a couple pics so I had to post them, this one is of my family except i just realized Billy J isn't there

This is one with Billy J he really fit into our fanily, I am not very photogenic so don't look at me, and Faith is once again being honery, it's a full time occupation with her. Anyway from left to right, Top Row: Billy J, Billy Ray, Me(don't look though I think I'm gonna sneeze) Next row: Daniel, Charity, and Bobby.

Then Bottom row: Ezekiel, Elizabeth and running away is Faith Lynette.

Pretty Woman

2007-09-22T21:38:00.000-07:00

I love blogging, I didn't think I would and was nervous about it at first. Marisela told me I should start but I didn't think it would be fun. I love it, it's kinda theraputic. I am at my brother Bobby's this weekend, and I am so excited. Heather was DRIVING tonight. If you don't know them you should know they were in a head on collision in February. Heather was told she would never walk again, but she's doing that also, she does use a walker but oh my the power of the lord is great. Tonight as they drove up the Long John's I almost cried, and for people that don't know me, I almost never cry.
Anyway, as I set here tonight I counted my blessings. And a couple of other peoples. God is so good to us. I know a lot of times I look at only the bad, But I need to center on the good and maybe the bad things in my life won't seem so bad. I thought tonight about my kids and how they are so very healthy right now, and that's such a blessing. Also how we have Billy J living with us and how that came about and we really thought this would never work out, but now that he's here he's interested in the faith and hasn't missed a meeting in 5 months, even when we don't go he does. But mostly I was thankful for my family. I thought about how all 3 of my brothers have wonderful wives, they take very good care of my brothers and they really fit into our family. It really feels like they've always been there and have always been my sisters. I was also thankful for Sister Betha, she hasn't had to have someone stay up with her for a little over a week and that is awesome. Also with Bobby and Heather, they could have been killed and they are up and about again.
I really want to tell you about my step-son. He was raised almost solely by his mother and we had no contact for over 6 years. In February of this year we were thinking about moving to Wichita Kansas, I really didn't want to go, and I prayed god would show us if we weren't supposed to go and help us get in contact with BJ. I had tried over the years to find him and had found it impossible, I had searched numerous times and he was not findable. Anyway, about 3 hours after praying that the phone rings and BJ asks, "hey Barbara can I talk to my dad?". He had found our number from directory assistance. It was so awesome I almost cried. Billy talked to him a while and then he decided to come see us. Anyway he had a horrible childhood and lived through some terrible things. But he never has a bad attitude, he helps me around the house, and with the kids. He helps me cook, and he helps his dad. He never uses bad language, and he's interested in the faith. I couldn't ask for any more where he's concerned. He's such a good kid. And I am thankful.
Well I think I've bended and ear or a keybord something anyway. And it's late so until next time........................................................................................................

All My Ex's Live In Texas

2007-09-19T23:04:00.000-07:00

This is older pictures but it is all of my nieces and nephews. As well as my GREAT nephew and Niece.

2007-09-19T22:57:00.001-07:00

I decided to get some pictures of my family up. My kids love looking at their pictures on the computer so here are a few many more to come.

Heart Of My Heart

2007-09-19T21:41:00.000-07:00

Today, I left for a little bit with Billy, when I came home I had two kids climbing out the window. So I hollered at the lounging 17 year old who was on the couch and the singing 12 year old in the bedroom as well as the daydreaming 11 year old in the back yard.(you would think that together the three of them could keep everything under control for an hour). I found my babys Zeke and Faith in the back yard playing a game involving stabbing with sticks. So I hollered some more.
Then I calmed myself down took some deep breaths and explained why it was a bad idea to climb through the bedroom window. I walked into the living room intent on giving my older three a very stern lecture, which I decided I would cut short, I am to nice sometimes. Anyway I cut it way short and just spoke to them for ten minutes, I walked back into the bedroom and my babys are hanging out the window. When I asked them what they thought they were doing my 8 year old informed me"mama you didn't tell them not to" I held my breath counted till I thought i was calm enough and yelled I better not catch any other child I know hanging out of the window. You will not like the consequences. I then stomped to my room and slamed the door. About five minutes later Faith (the baby) came in to say momma we love you. Which of course was orchastrated by the older kids but I couldn't resist her little face and she won so I went in and talked to them all calmly and we were all happy again.
Then I got me a Pepsi. My teeth are real sensitive so when I put ice in my glass I use a straw, well Faith decided she needed a straw but I didn't think it was needed so I didn't give her one she was upset and told me her dad(who was at work) said she could have one. So I stuck her in the corner. For those of you who don't know me, Faith is my baby, she was very sick when she was first born and we thought we were going to lose her, she still suffers from asthma, so I spoiled her a little......not to much.......okay so to much. At 2 1/2 this is her very first serious stint in the corner. It was killing me but it was killing her more. She yelled and cried and begged me to let her out and I thought 2 1/2 minutes was fair, she is now very mad at me. When Billy and I wrestle around she always cries if I holler so tonight Billy was tormenting me and asked Faith if he could make me holler and she said YES!!!! I have given that baby everything she ever wanted and she wanted me to holler. I'm pretty disgruntled about this right now.
But while I'm annoyed at her I keep thinking of all the cute things she does. Her best friend is Jacob Bohall. Jason and Velvadenes littlest. Anyway we have been spending a lot of time at their house and she has been loving it. So has sister Betha she loves to watch Faith and Jacob play together. Anyway she was telling me that the other day she was watching them and Faith got mad cause Jacob said he wasn't her friend and she was hiding her face from him. She said she made Jacob say he was sorry, and a little bit later she heard them playing again and Jacob was once again upset and "Not her friend" and she said FAith asked "Do I have to tell Grandma?" We laughed so hard. Faith has decided that since Sister Betha is Jacobs Grandma she is also her grandma.
Well Sunday we got my Mother-in-law from the nursing home and took her to see Sister Betha and as we walked into the door I heard Faith Telling Jacob this is our other Grandma. It was so cute. I really love this age, it's so fun. And I'm sure Faith is gonna get over her mad at me. Being in the corner isn't the end of the world right? She just keeps telling her dad, "I cried so much"

That Don't Impress Me Much

2007-09-19T20:50:00.001-07:00

Elizabeth was so excited. Her books came in and we went through the shipping list. She was so thrilled and I was thinking oh the work we have ahead of us. But I'm sure it will work out. The kids started some small assignments that had printable worksheets so they've been in school for three days. It's the weirdest thing they are so excited to get their work done, when I was in school I hated it all even when I did homeschooling for a while. But I'm glad they like it and I hope that lasts.
All the kids have their own login and they can do their own work but then I have to approve it. It's kinda nice though cause I just have to look through their work and mark it complete. They don't have a lot of work on paper yet though. Mostly their just fiduring out the computer. I can't wait to get the desktop though so I can stop worrying about them opening a bad email with a virus.... I'm sure I worry to much.

This Is The Army Mr. Jones

2007-09-13T15:58:00.000-07:00

I got the call today that Elizabeths books have shipped and Bobby, Charity, and Daniels will ship end of next week. I worked with Elizabeth a little bit on the computer today, she has a couple lessons that are mainly online so we went through a days work with those lessons. She really surprised me, she had a game where she was supposed to type the letters from A-M and she got them all in order in less than 5 minutes, but when they were not in order she got them all in less than 4 minutes. It was a great moment for me. I ran her scheduler and surprisingly she's not going to be behind so I'm happy.
As I worked with Elizabeth Faith decided to join in so she played hokey pokey with Littlebit, then she counted(higher than her sister could), then she showed me how she could GO, which gave Elizabeth the answer to my question. At least four or five times I would ask Elizabeth a question, like how many stars are in the box, and before she could answer Faith would say the answer. It was cute but also annoying. I already learned that Faith could count higher than Elizabeth and Ezekiel, and she knows more colors and shapes. But it kinda discourages Littlebit because she is so much younger. Little bit is almost six and Faith is almost three.
I was supposed to can peaches today but I procrastinated. I have been canning this and that for two weeks and wanted a day off so tomorrow I will have peaches calling my name. I did pickles, salsa, chili, diced tomatoes, green beans, and corn. But I still want to do peaches and beets, I think that will be all I do this year. We'll see. I have jars everywhere right now though. LOL.

Don't be Stupid You Know I Love You

2007-08-16T16:05:00.000-07:00

I say some pretty stupid things without meaning to. Sometimes things sound good in my head, or funny then I say them and I'm like wow that was horrible. Anyway, I was at walmart the other day buying ice cream and the cashier said enjoy the ice cream. Gues what I said YOU TOO!! He just looked at me and shook his head. What do you say.
On Sunday, My grandma had passed away and at church I did great no crying or anything until one of the older sisters said she was sorry. Then the tears start, well I am not a cryer. In fact I try really hard not to in front of people but here they were. I'm trying to look happy and smile with tears running down my face, I finally get the tears under control and am talking to my aunt and another sister walks up and points to my eyes and says it looks like your having issues today. I thought she was kinda trying to make me laugh and I was a little annoyed at that thought and I popped off and said "my grandma died this morning." I could tell immediately that she didn't realize and I felt horrible.
Another time I went to see my sisster she was having a baby. She made us all lunch(while she was in labor I might add, she also made a quilt block and did her laundry yeah while in labor)and we were in the kitchen cleaning up and I was standing by the counter and the re wasn't enough room for her to get through and she said something about being fat, so then I said why don't you go lose some weight. Then I went in the other room and tried to convince myself that hadn't come out of my mouth. What I was intending was go have your baby and then you won't be as fat, but even that sounds horrible now.
Anyway my point, yes I have one. If you happen to find yourself getting your feelings hurt by something I say please understand I really don't mean to. I am really not a mean horrible person. I just can't talk and walk at the same time yet LOL. No really, it sounds funny before it comes out of my mouth I promise.

Crazy

2007-08-16T15:45:00.000-07:00

This is no exageration my life is insanely crazy. There is always something going on all the time. Right now we are looking for a house in a community where less than 1% of rentals are open. This means by the time I look at a paper in the mornings I can count on at least 40% of the rentals to be taken and the ones not taken yet have upwards of 60 applicants. Most of the property managements have a application fee, and who can afford 80 dollars just to find out if they can rent a house from this company. Not me.
Also about two months ago my step-son came to live with us, yeah 7 kids and no home.(god doesn't put more on us than we can bear, so I'know we'll come through for the better) Anyway he is 17 going on 13(he would laugh if he heard me say this cause it's so true)and it's kinda like a culture shock. My oldest is 12 so having him in our home has been so way different. But he is a great kid, helistens when I ask him to do something, he loves his brothers and sisters and helps me take care of them, and he is so hilarious. I am actually inspired by him at times because he is so good after all he has been through. He was raised way different than my kids, but he watches his mouth pretty good, and he is really a blessing to us. My husband and I both enjoy having him around.
I am also homeschooling this year. Well as soon as I have a home for the school to send books to I will be anyway. I will have four students this year. Bobby 12, Charity 11, Daniel 8, and Elizabeth 5. It's gonna be a learning experience I'm sure.
Anyway, I just wanted to say I really need prayers that I can keep up the smile even during my trials and most of all not complain. I think that's the hardest part for me. But every trial I get better and maybe one day I will master my tongue(doubt it but still trying).

Whatever Will Be Will Be

2007-08-12T21:39:00.000-07:00

So I have to start at the beginning. About a week ago I had a dream, and in my dream my uncle David, my uncle gene(who passed away 5 months ago), and my Grandpa(who passed away 13 years ago)were in a car accident. All three of them were killed on impact. I don't remember alot of the dream, but when I woke up I was crying and Billy said it was just a silly dream. Anyway at about 5:30 this morning my sister Marisela woke us up to tell us my grandma had passed away. I am not a cryer generally but I was upset because it was unexpected so I got up and forced myself to think of things that needed done. So I called my mom knowing she would be awake, and made sure the whole family knew, then made sure mom had someone with her. Then I decorated my daughters birthday cake. Today was her 11th birthday. Anyway, back to my dream, I kinda thought maybe it had something to do with grandma and I was a little weirded out. But then I thought about it and remembered about a month before my sons passed away I had a dream the oldest one passed away in a fire, I was careful then after a while I let my guard down again. Anyway, when he passed away it was in a fire, not a house fire like I dreamed but a fire none the less. So then I thought of a question. Why would I dream of these things? I know there is an answer but I don't know what it is. I don't know that the answer will help me to live the faith better so it may not be important but I will deffinately be praying about it. If you think to please pray for my little family. We need it right now.

Wishing Will Make It So

2007-08-08T09:01:00.000-07:00

So about a month ago we decided we were going to move. Sean and Marisela convinced us Oregon was beautiful and we felt we were supposed to go. So we started getting ready, all our things were already packed but we had a huge storage shed and decided we couldn't move all that stuff, so we had a yard sale three weeks in a row and sold most of it. After selling the bulk of what we wanted to sell, my husband came to me and said we aren't supposed to leave so the last weekend we hiked up prices on things we wanted to keep so they wouldn't sell. Then I convinced him to sell his lawnmower cause it was ugly. So now we're staying, I have no house, no kitchen dishes, only half of my desktop computer, and absent so many things that I really thought were necassary for living. Now I realize most of that stuff was extras with exception to the house and the kitchen dishes. I think god was showing me for the last several months that I need to be more humble, I pray but not when I don't need something. I can remember when I was first married praying about everything,I would pray when I lost the car keys, or when the washer didn't work, and sometimes I would just pray because I wanted to. It was like an ongoing conversation with god, as I went through the day I would just continually pray about this or that, but several people made fun of me, saying that's why god didn't answer some of their prayers cause he was so busy with my nonsence and I didn't even realize it, or when but I quit. I got to where if I didn't want or need something then I didn't talk to god. So now that I realize the mistake I have been making it should be easy to rectify right? WRONG!!! Because I have gotten into the habit of only talking to god when I want or need something I have to make myself remember to just pray. I have to work on it everyday, and it's easy to get back in the rut again, but now I know what my problem was. It has taken five months of not having my own home to figure out why my prayers weren't being answered, but now I think I've got it. We may move away in the future but right now god is still showing me things in this place and I need to learn these lessons, and then maybe we will move. But I want god to be in the decision. I have a hard time learning the lessons I'm supposed to sometimes, but when I finally learn it I don't forget very easily.

Knowing Me, Knowing You

2007-08-04T07:52:00.000-07:00

My name is Barbara Reed, I am a sevant of the Lord, a wife, mother of seven children, and a woman who is 90% of the time insane. First I love the Lord and all he does for me and mine. He has done so many things for us that I cannot recount them all at one time. But over time I can, most of them. I mostly want to serve the lord like there is no tommorow. Which is ultimately everything I have to give. I hope for respect from those I'm around whether they agree with me or not. And so I give respect to those I'm around, whenever I can.
My husband is the love of my life, we have been married for 13 years. That in itself is a feet for some. We live in Grand Junction, Colorado and have for the last 9 years. He is going bald but it's a secret don't tell him. He told me if he ever got a bald spot he was shaving all his hair off, so I haven't told him it's thinning out on top. SHHHHHHHHH............. We got married when I was 17 and he was 24, most people hear that and say you were soooo young, but I was the same age as most of the other married people I'm around.
I am the mother of seven children. My oldest is Billy Joe he is 17 going on 12....LOL He is so funny most of the time, sometimes it gets annoying but most of the time it's funny. He really likes saying my sister in laws name... He just yells it sometimes......MARISELA........ he's not normal. He wants to be a cook when he grows up. My second is Bobby LeeAnn, she is 12 and hates her name. I have explained to her that it is a special name, she was named after my dad who passed when I was sixteen, and so it's special to me. However I should have changed the spelling cause she thinks she has a boy name. She loves Cheetahs and other wild cats, and she wants to be a fashion designer when she grows up. Next is Charity RayLynn, she is 10, she is my perfectionist, she has to have some order to everything and she's gonna grow up to be a list maker.....I promise. She doesn't know yet what she wants to be but I'm sure it will include lists.......lots of them. Daniel Ray is next he is 8, he loves dressing up in costumes like batman, spiderman, etc. He likes to say things for shock value. Sometimes their not nice things but he likes to see people react in outrageous ways. And then he sets back and giggles. He is the most acrobatic child I have ever seen. He can stand on his head for forever........ I'm not kidding. It comes from his dad's side of the family. He will probably be a professional break dancer LOL.... Elizabeth Rose is 5, she is starting school this year. She is my first girl who wanted to be a girl. She didn't rip her dresses so she didn't have to wear them...BOBBY....or climb a tree to prove to the boys it could be done..BOBBY... or kick the boys for beating her across the monkey bars...CHARITY. LOL. She wants to be a princess when she grows up...And it's gonna happen. Then there's Ezekiel Ray, he likes to stay up really late and sleep in all day. He is a superhero lover and right now if you ask his name he will say it's spy agent. Cause that's what he wants to be LOL...Finally my baby, Faith Lynette. She is the most spoiled child I am sure. She loves Dora and Veggie Tales. She will probably be a singer when she grows up LOL.
Anyway, my husband is wanting to leave so I have to go but will be back REALLY SOON.